Saturday, December 29, 2012

2013 A year of giving

Of all my children, at some point in their lives they have had the painful experience of having to deal with grief & loss, too many lessons in fact at times they should have gone to bed dreaming more of wish lists and fairytales, what they wanted to be when they grow up, instead of attempting to process how something so painful could be so real, wondering what as adults many never cease asking...when will it stop!

As part of these experiences they've participated in the 'Seasons' program at school, a concept of life being a process of seasons; with everything beginning and ending.  Life being a part of summer, a winter, an autumn, a spring. A time for living, a time for dying, for waiting, for joy.  A season destined with a process of change, for without it there would be no life, we would have no seasons, there would be no symbiotic relationships, no connections, we would all cease to exist.  Instead we do, we exist by our constant interaction with each other, as we begin, we live and life ends.
I entered into to 2012 already stuck an the approaching winter storm.  The gorgeous Australian sun was beaming outside and on the inside we were battening down the hatches. We held our breathe until the storm passed, til the shaking stopped, the noise quietened and waited for winter to begin.  Life is like that, one winter after another, one storm after another. There are days when it seems life has been just that, one long winter. We wait patiently, some make a great fuss about having to stay safe during those cool months, years even, for the moment when 'this too shall pass', we become frustrated, angry, inpatient.
Life is;  there is a time for beginnings, a time for endings, a time for waiting.

I took the time hauled up indoors to keep focussed on the end of winter, I pulled out the 'bucket list' that has kept me alive through every event.  Something so simple as a list of dreams, a list of hopes, of imagining a life other than where I am right then at that moment. It was never called the bucket list back then, it was one of those catalyst moments when you realise dreams are what keep us going forward, they give us hope, they help us grow, aide our change.  As a pre-school teacher many years ago I encouraged children to dream and dream big! I mean what is the point of dreaming who you would be when you grow up if you can't imagine yourself being anyone other than who you are right now.
Somewhere in between preschool and adulthood I noticed the need and greed creep in slowly and consistently.  To prevent it as parents we need to make conscious decisions to foster our children's dreams, to believe in their hopes, to enhance every aspect of their growth. For those who don't have a bucket list or need one, how incredibly inspiring and fortunate. It isn't for everyone, nor should it need to be.  For me there were times when no one called, no one visited and everyday blended into the next; when I looked up to the heavens and said I will not attend one more funeral, I want the next time I enter a church to be a christening, a wedding, a celebration; believing I had unfinished business with life, my foot stuck in the door preventing it from closing, something as simple as a list of tasks, of moments I would love to  experience allowed me to keep going.  I really didn't know when winter would end, so I kept writing my list, I held my breathe and waited for the season to exhale.  Yet to be honest, human behaviour is so predictable that the trajectory of people without dreams, without hope, without belief in themselves or the capacity to change, to learn and to grow, to become a better human being, is pretty clear as all things in nature stagnate. So whilst you may sit there and say I don't need dreams, I don't need hope, I don't need to change; we are not an island. We either change with the seasons or we cease to exist.
I call it waiting for the winter to end, as it seems to be like a ride coming to the final stop; so whilst I call it waiting, it is one hell of an experience in between. It would be ignorant to see waiting as a form of non-participation in life, to see it as allowing others to give you a hand out rather than a hand up, as if waiting is a non-compliance with life.  I strongly advocate positive thinking, staying focussed on your dreams, creating goals for wishes (otherwise a wish will remain a dream), yet the same basic road rules we learned as a child, stop, look, listen, think, applies for every decision you will make.  Waiting is an opportunity for you to stop, look and ask yourself where are you, where do you want to go, what is the impact of you crossing this street, on yourself, on everyone around you; listen to your voice, the voice of others, to the sounds of approaching traffic and over all the noise, listen to your heart; think about stepping off that path in a rush to cross the metaphorical street into spring or summer, are you ready?

Whatever you choose, this is your life, there is a path, one for your neighbour, your friend, your children, your parents, your siblings, everyone and there is only your path. So chose it wisely.

The Mayans hadn't predicted the end of the planet as we know it, why no one ever considered they may have just been short on stone tablets that day is beyond me! The Mayans hypothesised life as having beginnings and endings; a season of growth, of change, of re birth, of new beginnings. What we choose to do with those beginnings will determine the ending, the life in between, the joy, the peace, the happiness, the death. Calendars are another way of constructing a season, a beginning, another end, with man days in between.

For too long humanity has been focussed on need and greed, on wanting more and giving less.  Of taking to the point of generating a drive of consumerism so great we disrupt the seasons of the Amazon, we erradicate species from the face of the planet.  Whether you believe in global warming or not, there is no denying the destruction of humanity on the natural environment in every corner of the globe. As we take more and more from the very living force which sustains our own lives, we de stabilise the very balance of our existence, to live alongside all living things, with each other.

You may think you are just one person, how could you possibly effect something occurring on another continent? So let's take one product, say chocolate for example.  The bulk of chocolate is sourced from cocoa plantations on the West Coast of Africa, some is Fair Trade, yet even then there are no guarantees.  Most of the chocolate we eat has been hand picked by children as young as 6 or even younger; stolen, abducted from their families, told their parents have died or surrendered them into the care of their captors, forced into slave labour to hand pick the cocoa beans which produce the chocolate consumers demand a need for. Without the need there would be no greed.  We produce the need.

You name it, we produce it by how we purchase, how we take, what we fail to give back.  Over fishing our oceans (I mean Queensland has some of the best Barramundi on the planet, yet we are sourcing it from Vietnam?), over clearing our forests, over mining our shores.  I am not suggesting we cease using our resources, yet to the point of leaving a legacy of devestation for our children, a crap load of mess is our legacy? What kind of evolutionary process is this? That is not an evolved race!

It is on these massive scales of selfishness and greed, which trickles into the home, into each person, each instrument of change that the most basic of growth occurs.  It is our inability to step off our paths, to be the force of change, to say this is not good enough, I will not take for granted the air I breathe, the heart I've been given, the life I have. I will make a conscious decision to continue to grow, to change, to be a force of nature, to share my gifts, to dream big, to give back, to stop taking! I will step up and take responsibility for who I am and where I am going.

Life is balance. A balance of nature, a balance of living/dying, happiness/sadness, seasons are a process of balance.  When you stagnate in the suffering, the pain and the hurt, you upset your balance, your balance upsets those around you, those around you upset the universal balance.  You drive the demands of your life, the needs around you, your words, your actions, your beliefs, opinions, how you share with others, give to others, what you give to yourself, it is YOU, it was always YOU.

What if you stopped taking? What if you dipped your toe in the water of change and created a ripple by simply giving back.  Accepting that who you are right now at this moment, you are a part of every person and every event before you. What if you accepted yourself as part of life's balance. What if you discovered your passion, what makes you tick and you gave yourself to it.  What if you woke up and realised it won't matter how many cars you have, how big your house is or bling on your body, without a sense of balance for yourself, you will forever seek to fill an empty space only you can resolve. What if you finally realised love has nothing to do with possession, in telling others how to live their life, in making partners, children, family go without so you feel more fulfilled, what if you stopped taking from everyone around you and started to give back, unconditionally, completely. What if instead of wanting a friend, you were a friend. What if instead of expecting your children to be better, you expected yourself to be a better parent. What if instead of demanding someone love you, you loved someone so completely, so unconditionally, you didn't need their permission to do so.

Life is love increases our sense of balance in life, then love is the stabilising force.  It is a human word and construct, it applies to no other species, we call love anything we want to possess, to own, hang on to.  Yet how can that be love, the very essence of something which is good, selfless and unconditional.  It is not. It is not anger, violence and taking. Like a tight rope walker as our balance in love wobbles from side to side, we try to straighten up by leaning on committment, loyalty, pieces of paper like marriage, on material possessions, even on our children.  We blame everyone and everything around us for our lack of love, our unbalance in life, for our hurt, our pain, our suffering.  Some go to extraordinary lengths as to compete with others as to who has suffered the most, who has it the hardest, who has walked the most miles. We keep throwing things on either end of the balancing pole, hoping that when we get it right, we will find balance.  Don't you get it!

Only one person on the rope at one time! This is your path, your balancing act, the only true force of balance is an empty pole, one foot in front of the other, you with a clear head, heart and soul, from one end to the other, the beginning to the end. You don't add to the balancing act, you give back! Take all that crap off your pole!!!! Take off the material issues weighing you down. Stand naked in all your entered the world in, ask yourself are you ready, are you in the shape you need to make it through winter, to cross this tightrope, are you giving it all you've got!

You cannot force love, you cannot make it, create it, bend it, hold it.  You can give it! Give it unconditionally, share it, spread it, be it. You are your own balance.

You cannot continue to take from others, from humanity, from the planet and not expect that your taking will upset the balance of life.

“To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced
life.”
Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

You cannot love without loss.  There will be winters, the seasons will change, go with it, don't resist, don't try to force it, hold on to it or grip it like it's the last chance you will have. Sometimes you need to feel the unbalance, to remember to listen to your breathe, quieten the mind, connect with your heart and centre yourself. Winters are part of our process of balance in life.  There would be no rainbows without both sun and rain. These events do happen and they will, people will come and go, life will happen.  There will be times of unbalance and times of stability, never stop breathing. Take all life has in and breathe out all that is unnecessary.  Give back to yourself, clear your mind, your lungs, nurture your body, heal the soul.

What if in 2013, you took this opportunity to give yourself to others, to yourself; by starting with nurturing the very gifts you have taken for granted. If you started to appreciate every blessing, every friend, family member, every task before you.  What if by the very process of changing your attitude towards life you created a ripple across your life in abudance. If instead of focussing on others need to change, you changed yourself and by doing so, all around you began to change.

The other night after a few extremely nice wines, trying to stay off a winter chill :) I pulled out my bucket list and with the help of a few volunteers who shall remain sworn to secrecy and nameless, I sent it out there to the universe, it had started to feel like this winter had developed into hibernation and it was time to put a little sun on those seeds of change.  I had unconsciously already started without knowing to put one foot in front of the other, one by one I was removing the weights holding me down, challenging my sense of balance. Not until I looked at the list did I realise it made complete sense why my yoga had improved, my sense of balance restored and the frost was lifting. I was lighter physically, mentally and I was working on the spiritual.

For a long time it  was as D'Souza had stated, "it seemed like life was about to begin", about to.  Stop, listen, think! This is my life, the winter, the seasons of change, these are my forces of change. I could try to resist or I could go with it, be part of the living force that gives us life and takes it away. I could step into everyday in better condition than the day before or refuse to get out of bed. Damn right I was checking off the top most challenging traumas in life and why break a good record now! So everytime you get knocked down it hurts a little more, your body aches a little longer and you need to lay there a fraction more, that is life. Get up! There is no view from down there! Have you ever seen a whale off shore as you bask in the sun during a yoga session on the beach? Get up!

Twelve months ago I could barely cross my legs let alone consider the bakasana. I thought inversion therapy was putting more ice in my drink, never could have possibly conceived the practice of placing my heart higher than my head could create such a ripple of change and a sense of balance. I dreamed of being the same size one day as I was when I finished school (didn't appreciate what I had then either!) let alone go past this and end up sharing a wardrobe with my daughter (I draw the line at cut off denim studded shorts though!!). Yoga has become part of my life, it is my balance barometer and as I salute the sun I am made aware of surrendering to the daily inbalance, the winter, the autumn, the summer and the spring.  It isn't a religion, it isn't something you have to do.  It's a choice.  Seeking balance in life is a choice.  To celebrate what is and what isn't. To breathe in and let it out.  In 2012 People came into my life with skill, with amazing ideas, creativity, friendship and love.  I rediscovered friendships, I found myself. I didn't need to dig too far, it was there all along, I just learned to silence it whilst I was busy getting on with life? People changed who I was 12 months ago and nurtured who I am today. They believed in me and reminded me to believe in myself, to never ever give up.

I learned this year to let go of holding on and start embracing more; I've always known love is not something you steal, take or borrow, it is unconditional, it knows no boundaries, it lives beyond death. I learned not to take the smallest of opportunities for granted, to listen to the lessons, to plant my seeds of change, to nurture them, no matter the years, the lack of rain, to be patient for the sun, that something which has life, that needs rain and sun to grow, needs time. I did a little weeding along the way, nurtured my own patch, worried more about being a better person than being concerned with who wasn't. I shared my gifts more, mothering, friendship, family and love. I made a few committments to myself, to honour the gift of life; to never take it for granted, to be honest, true to myself, to others, to live an authentic life. I opened up to new ways of knowing, of learning, growing, dreaming.  The bucket list grew! I slowed down to spare time to ask an older person struggling with groceries if I could carry anything, hold a new baby for her Mum to shop, pay for something other than for myself, to make someone elses dream a reality and in so I stepped off the path to cross the street!

I'm going into 2013, the year of giving, with a heart open to change, a mind read to explore every adventure as I watch the ripples of friendship (you are just awesome!!!!!! this will be so much fun) break down the obstacles to tackling that bucket list! I have one massive list which includes many miles, many dreams and many challenging experiences, it scares the hell out of me (see crossed another one off just thinking of the list!).  It's like writing your own happy ending, chosing to stop being a passenger of humanity, stop riding on the tailgate, to stop holding life with two hands, to wrap your body around it and suck it in until the two of you become one. The very thought of making this happen is exciting and inspiring, before I even buy a ticket.  I listened to what Oriah called our longing, I stopped, looked, listen and I'm thinking.  Bring on one endless summer!

Ok so I still haven't finished that assignment, I still have 3 exams before the end of January and a pile of unfinished tasks, I didn't say I could do it all over night nor have I have suggested life is easy, I would be the last person persuing that belief! I've stepped off the curb, I've looked and I've listened. I've waited the winter out and I'm looking forward to who and what is on the other side.  The view from where I am standing now is so incredible I can feel the summer on its way.

I have a few mammoth adventures ahead, so if you are up to hiking Cradle Mountain, a trip to PNG, a little Chocolat experience or a damn fine cold beer in Germany, the spiritual connection of Machu Picchu, you have a story to tell and you need a writer or maybe you a publisher and you are after the next big sell! Do I have a year for you!!!!!!

Bring on 2013! the year of giving, to you and to yourselves xo

Saturday, December 15, 2012

We can do better

There is intense sadness, loss and grief around the globe tonight, a grief beyond comprehension as an event so unnatural, unfair and man made it swells beyond the borders of a small community in Conneticut. As a friend commented on a Facebook page yesterday, only in the US could gun control be a right and healthcare a privilege.  When children, little children, our children, your children, cannot go to school, to feel safe receiving their human right to an education, we need to do better. We need to do so much better people.
Scientist and anthropologists; some believe we are the most intelligent species on the planet, are we, really? In a world where 95% of our health systems are burdened by preventable disease; famine takes the lives of millions, children, women, men, families; dysfunction is now a common word in families, communities are disconnected and only brought together by tragedy and grief. Someone tell me what is so intelligent about that.
War continues to perpetuate violence, using power, authority and force, as to this day we have failed to produce an alternative.  Greed, anger, hate; the most powerful motivators behind human suffering fueled and justified in the name of peace. Someone please explain to me the intelligence in that. Over thousands of years of killing, hating, using force, we still do not have an alternative solution. What is intelligent about that?
 
When our homes, in the very neighbourhoods we share are experiencing rising family violence, childhood abuse, mental health statistics rising, where many are more concerned about the interest rate of the mortgage rates than they have interest in making their communities safer for children.  When we cannot face the reality of what is in our own street, in our own homes; we cannot protect the very people we may ride the bus with, see in the shopping isle, buy milk from, pick up our garbage, when we cannot even reach out and do something to protect our own neighbours, what hope have we of protecting on a universal scale. What is intelligent about that?

In Australia people sit silently on a bus while a woman is being taunted and abused, the elderly die in their homes and only when the stench is concerning, does someone notice them gone; children being abucted from public highways and shopping centres and we need forensic evidence to find them; neighbours killing their partners and not one damn person steps up and says or does something to prevent it. Come on people! Pick up the phone at least.  People who think not watching the news or reading about it makes their world safer, until it happens to them and then wonder why it happened in the first place. People who have stopped questioning the very moral code and compass we use daily to path a legacy for our children. We are not evolving in some parts of the world, we are expiring.  The human race is adapting to an insular and self motivated, self preserving attitude that is allowing violence to continue in our communities.  When the majority of crime, death by violent crime is drug related and I'm not just talking illegal drugs, we need to ask ourselves what the hell is going on and what are we going to do better!

When we have a headache it is much easier to reach for a tablet and fix it in seconds than it is to change our lifestyle, question what we've been eating, not eating, stress we've been under, what we contributed to it. It is much easier to push responsibility for your child onto the school or your doctor to fix them, than to change yourself. It is much easier and convenient to turn off the tv than to step up as a human being and take responsibility for the gift of life, of breathe and presence on this planet, to be a seed of change, to do something, anything damn, just don't ignore it and please do not use the "it's not my responsibility"....tone with me.  Let's examine that, tell me then what is your responsibility? You, you are responsible for yourself, for your attitudes, your health, your motives and as parents, oh that is so big I don't have the time here this morning.  There is not a piece of research out there about childhood which can steer away from the impact parenting has on the development of the child into an adult.  Your responsibility is a member of the human race to educate, raise and encourage, love, your children.  Not to set them loose irresponsibly on a community and onto others to hurt, harm and abuse, so you can kick back and enjoy the years spending your children's inheritance.  Oh get with it people, wake up.  Advertising is there to tell you the opposite to what you should hear.  It is there to program you into wanting something beyond what you have conceived. Our responsibilities as communities is to help those who cannot help themselves, when we screw up and wow we do it so well as adults, to own it, take responsibility and the level of responsibility that comes with your role and do something about it!

I don't believe I would have been alone in being completely moved as a mother, a human being, having previously worked as a teacher, by the shattered voice of a young teacher who instinctivly knew the right thing to do in those final moments was to tell her class what a parent would say, that she loved them, they are loved, that it is going to be ok, in her heart she believed they would die. I wept and was pulled back to a time, holding my son's hand, he was cold, his breathing had slowed and telling him it was ok to let go, to stop fighting the cancer, that I loved him, I would always love him, knowing in my heart it was never going to be ok. One child suffering is never going to be ok, when we have been gifted with the intelligence to do better. When as adults we have the power, the authority and the knowledge to do better.

As those entrusted with the care of our children, we need to learn from these events and the actions, the courage, the bravery of those teachers who in absolute fear and horror knew to shield their students from the terror unfolding, told the children to close their eyes, to prevent them from absorbing the horror, from searing into their developing minds this tragedy in their school. Little ones with their eyes closed, hands on each others shoulders, one by one, connected to each other; guided by a teacher brave with courage leading them through fear and sheer strength.

The other week in the shopping centre a young Mum with a screaming new baby, absolutely screaming, the tiny one week old sound. All these ignorant people with their judgemental stares, not one offering any assistance, anyone could see or having experienced knows what it is like with a hungry new baby and a trolley full of shopping. I was keen for a cuddle and asked if it was ok I carry the baby for her, new baby and new smell, still gets me everytime; I followed her around the shop having a cuddle while she finished her shopping. We chatted and talked about how hard parenting is and I confirmed for her, it is one of the hardest and most valuable roles we ever have. 
Stepping up, costs nothing and does so much. Step up people.  Use the intelligence you are gifted with, do something to be a contributor, not a taker from this amazing planet.  You do not need fancy gifts, expensive ones or multiple presents to be present in the life of people, you don't need wrapping or a bow.  The most precious gifts you have cost nothing, a phone call, a letter, a card to let someone, even a complete stranger know they matter; to not speak when they need to talk (believe me even I struggle with that, though I guess you would know that by now!), mow a lawn, hold the shopping, take a cake to a neighbour, wash a car, babysit, put the rubbish out, heaven forbid mow your neighbours nature strip!! Extend your hand, reach out, like little children onto one another, put your hands on someones shoulders, lead them forward, give them a path, show them it is going to be Ok.
I heard the US Gun Lobby has hit back fast stating if only the teachers had been armed, if every single person was armed then this type of event might never happen. I'm sorry I don't see the intelligence in the argument that every single human being needs to live in fear they could be next and forearmed is forewarned.  Someone explain to me why this belief is not across every country on the planet are we accepting that the US Gun Lobby has the greatest intelligence representative of our species? I also don't believe we can wind back the clock, guns are the instrument, the weapon of choice, they can only hurt when a human being uses them to hurt, so do knives, so do drugs, so do cars.  Yet why any person can justify the ownership of a military weapon is beyond comprehension.  Heaven forbid, oh absolutely tragic, is the death of a young person yesterday from an umbrella in Bundaberg, QLD, Australia. I've used a gun, used several, it was a struggle at my size to manage; I haven't touched one since high school.  I was brought up in a time and environment/community where most people either owned a gun or had used on and didn't have an opinion on them.  There were no automatic weapons, no assault rifles and no amnesty forced onto law abidding people to surrender family heirlooms, yet there was always crime, there always will be.
I have lived in a country where Police do not have guns, for those of us at present, who live in countries where our 'Force' have force, this would be inconceivable, yet it's the reality.
Violence breeds violence, fear breeds fear, violence breeds fear. There is nothing more powerful or profitable than the person who taps into human fear.
When I was teaching pre-school many years ago, it was sometime after September 11 and children were still asking questions, still building towers and knocking them down, still attempting to make meaning out of something adults could not make sense from. Their questions were simple and yet we had no answers, we could only allow them a safe environment in which to voice their concerns, struggle to come to terms with a reality one begs to consider why intelligence was wasted on a species which continues to fail so spectacularly. I remember a friend who had been teaching at a diverse metropolitan school, where few children in the class spoke English, many had spent years as refugees transitioning into Australia; children as young as 6 years old confused as to why violence was not an answer to resolving disputes and why they couldn't bring a gun to school. We need to do better, so much better.  Children should be concerned about anything except adult responsibilities.

Whether you are Australian children, American, Palestinian, Israeli, any child, anywhere at any given time of the day or night; children wanting an education, to feel safe going to school, you should not have to carry the burden of our mistakes, of our ignorance and irresponsible actions. As a species we will continue to expire as we allow each other to hurt the most vulnerable, when we turn our backs and do nothing.  You have a voice, as a parent, as a family, as a friend.  You can make a difference.  When we would prefer to sit quietly, to save face, to "not get involved", to not step up and make those accountable for violence against children, we contribute to allowing it to continue.



I've lost several close people to guns, it weighs heavy on your mind and heart to know your life, our lives will be forever changed by their loss of life.  I picked up the phone for several years following, when I was missing a recipe or had a question; I'd been so use to these conversations in the past, it was sometime before I reprogrammed myself to believing no one would answer. No one should ever have to say goodbye to someone they love because of the ease of access to a weapon which takes less than a second to change their life, less than the time it takes for conscious problem solving and decision making, we need to do better, so much better.

We need to do so much better, today and tomorrow and everyday; to continue to learn and develop better ways of being human, of providing safer communities for our children to grow.

Today, only 24hrs after the most recent aftermath, around the world thousands of children will have lost their lives in violence, due to famine, disease, neglect.  As adults we are failing our children.

I read a story yesterday of a mother whose daughter was killed from domestic violence and years down the track she continues to advocate for legislative change, driven by her daughters memory and the grief of knowing, experiencing, feeling, no parent should ever have to experience what she had gone through.  This same mother made a point of speaking to those who have tried to tell her it is time to "move on" and "let go" and she raised the question, what does that mean? What is this construct of Western societies belief about grief that one just gives it a time limit and then gets on with life? Do we let go of the love we feel for our parnters when we first meet them? Do we let go of the passion or skill we have for our careers? Do we let go of the connections between our friends, our relationships, the gratitude for people who have touched our lives? Why do we tell people they need to empty a memory only they will carry? Try telling a greedy person to let go of their posessions!

Get over it people, allow people the time, the space and a way to express their grief in a way that brings them comfort, allows them to cherish, value and remember their loved ones. I can remember attending a grief and loss workshop the year my son died and an educator telling me when it was time to let go of Ben's things, his clothes, toys, bed. Over the years I've passed those toys onto children to enjoy, the bed donated to a charity fundraising for children not so long ago and the clothes to be made into a memory quilt.  What right does anyone who has not experienced this loss and believe me you cannot begin to imagine what the reality is like no matter how many times you think you 'get it' by reading about it, know a friend of a friend. 

The grief of losing a child is so great there is no word in the dictionary to describe it.  You are widowed from the death of a partner, orphaned from the death of a parent, yet there is no word to describe a pain so great, there are no words to describe it.

So in this time of mourning and reflection, for families everywhere placing their hands on their heart, looking at pictures, wiping tears, take this time to ask yourself what could you do better!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Speaking the truth

Sometimes the easiest thing to do appears to be and can be the hardest.  Saying something out loud, something that might be controversial, call people to look hard at themselves, take responsibility, oh yes above all else, take responsibility; for their actions, their words, their motives and how they connect with all others on this planet.
Being alive every moment, every breathe is a gift, many are not afforded.
We are all, every single one of us, surrounded by death, destruction, forces beyond (is it?) your control, in yourself, in the community and around the globe.
How we all respond to that will be uniquely our own, tainted by conditioning, knowledge and belief systems.
How many times have we read stories about the truth, more recently this year of a young student shot http://video.today.msnbc.msn.com/today/49414153#49414153 for speaking out about the truth, a girl wanting to have an education; yet for many other places in the world would be more concerned about what she is doing this weekend, what clothes to wear or guy to meet (yes that is a tongue-in-cheek generalisation for the sensitive ones), not standing up for human rights, for the right of women and human beings to voice the truth.
The world is a jellybean jar of different colours, tastes & reactions.  Each to their own. No one forces you to watch a program or read an article, if you don't like it, don't watch or read it.
Some only looking through one lens may find comfort in only believing one truth, their truth.  Many human beings due to personality and beliefs need to find security in a well defined concrete answer, one that resonates with how they perceive the world to be.
There have been so many before us, particularly those of us in Australia have the luxury of riding on the backs of those who have done their best to wipe the stain from the soil of our country; or there are those who continue to believe we somehow earned our right to be here 'the white way is the right way' belief system; I'm still trying to understand the logic of that one.  Ignorance is not bliss, it's just ignorance, yet I guess its comfortable.
As Buddha is quoted as saying "the greatest impurity is ignorance. Free yourself. Be pure".
I wrote a blog this week, I was basically airing a few thoughts I had regarding two journal articles I was asked to compare in relation to a paper for a post graduate course I'm studying at present.  I am a passionate writer, I own that! I pour my thoughts in, mix them about and I push people to challenge themselves, to think outside the square. If I offend, you could try to see it as a priviledge to have been offended, I have stirred something in you that was stagnate, maybe you could learn a thing or two.  Those of you who commented, smiled & laughed, thank you for being there all these years, for being able to gain the meaning of Margaret Mead's words when she said "never doubt that  small group of people can change the world, indeed it's the only thing that ever has". Being comfortable won't advance the human race.
I have been told over the years I am many things, even dogmatic.  Which is rather ironic considering the person who made the statement had never seen me in person, had just commenced a 5 minute conversation on the phone and we had never spoken previously; yet they read a letter in which I disputed an unjustified claim/statement which the scientific evidence/empirical data just does not support, they just "believed" it to be so. In other words anyone who doesn't see their way is obviously wrong :) The rather amusing thing is, I don't have to agree with what I write, I put my hand in the jellybean jar and I wave it around, I don't have any favourites or dislikes.  I however like my little soapbox and I am incredibly grateful for the breathe that pumps through my veins, my nervous system and charges the neurons to question, to think and to share those thoughts, to be a change, to make a difference, rather than grab a free ride.
What is it that makes people grip onto their beliefs with two hands that creates a flood of ignorance through their veins? Is it genetics or conditioning in arrogance; anyone whose thoughts may be different to theirs is obviously wrong! In that case wouldn't we all be wrong :)
I don't pretend to be you, or you, or you.  How could you possibly have walked in my shoes, shared the same smells of death and believe me, reading about it and smelling it, how when the blood drains from the body, it changes the brain in different ways.  Watch all the movies & read all the stories you like, believe me their is a reason our sense of smell is one of our earliest and most sensitive capacities.
How could you know violence from a tv? From reading the paper? & heaven (or some God whom ever she is) forgive me if I make light of your insignificant complaints as on my radar it just doesn't rate.
How can one person hold the truth? One religion? One politician? One teacher, one parent, one friend? They can't and that is the truth.
Ever tried having a philosophical debate about what constitutes the truth with a philosopher? Take your armour and a sword and maybe a few snacks, you'll be in for the long haul.
So what is the truth and why should we speak it?
Better still what kind of world and lives would we have without any truth?

Have you ever noticed how willingly people are to try a new car, a new recipe, a new outfit, a new job, a new house even, yet try asking them about changing their mind, about thinking outside the square, about changing the one thing they don't need to spend money or go anywhere or need friends or family to help them do.  THINK!  Try asking them (some I might add) to learn about a different religion, a different culture.  In today's world of access to the world wide library web I am still shocked by racist attitudes and stereotyping when facts, reality is right there at your finger tips.

What absence from the world would there be without the presence of those before us to point us along a different path, to ask questions, to seek compassion, understanding and challenge ignorance.

"One life is all we have and we live it as we believe in living it. But to sacrifice what you are and to live without belief, that is a fate more terrible than dying." - Joan of Arc

A woman overwhelmed with compassion and conviction, some may say she was insane claiming to hear voices calling her to a cause greater purpose, at 17yrs of age, leading an Army.  Was she right? Is war an answer to the truth.  I'm not challenging that blog here today.  Yet to surrender to the ordinary when we are each gifted with extraordinary purpose?

As early as 384BC Plato's student Aristotle changed the face of inquiry.  At a time of Alexander the Great he learned independent thinking, to challenge what the mind can conceive was a path to the truth, his truth and answers to the most difficult questions of his time. He went on to find answers to previously believed unsolveable questions and to forge a path for intellectual and scientific inquiry, that man (& woman!) had the capacity for enlightenment, if only they seek self inquiry, human goodness derived from rational thought!

Even French chemist and biologist Louis Pasteur was considerd mediocre.  As challenging as it is to be 'different', humanity is grateful someone took him seriously. 

Laws and science depend on the truth, religion and philosphers debate it; which truth is it: Subjective, objective, relative or absolute? What you believe to be true...is it? or is it just your understanding based on your knowledge and experience to date! Do you seek the truth? Question it and seek more? or content with sitting on a truth that is more relative rather than dance ahead to the rhythm of the footsteps of our greatest leaders, our 'crazy ones' who have pushed the boundaries in order of us to live a better life.

Oscar Wilde once said "If you want to tell the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you".  What do you think he mean't by that? Is that telling the truth, using your voice, your words, your thoughts to share a different way of knowing not only is risky, it can be life threatening.  That some, so protective of their ignorance would rather hurt you than understand you.

No matter what you have to say or do in life there will always be someone wanting to challenge your version of the truth & so they should. What makes speaking the truth problematic for many is the isolation, torture and pain which many suffer in order to take their truth to a wider audience, to create change, to move the human race forward. It's a risk and at times a burden. The only way to survive it is to connect with other liked minded persons, to surround yourself with people who not only seek the truth, seek other ways of knowing, understanding the human capacity, who are constantly evolving as individuals, they desire it.

Have you ever wondered about where we would be if we never progressed? If at one time in history someone with enough power (or force?) said "right listen here, we are OK just the way we are, now no one is to seek alternatives, no answers to disease, no better ways to educate, to learn, to understand, to save the planet".



When we look at the statistics on the burden of disease on this amazing planet we fight, strive and live for, http://www.aihw.gov.au/burden-of-disease/ and the evidence to support the majority of the world's disease is preventable what does this say about human intelligence, about how we process, accept or tolerate any truth.  Stress is still both a direct and indirect leading cause of disease and death and who causes the stress? We do.

Do people seek out better ways of living, balancing the budget, raising children, learn how to be kind, compassionate and practice what they preach or take it for granted. Happy to say there is a growing shift in the vibrational ripple of lateral thinkers doing their best and when it isn't enough seeking another way. One can only dream and continue to put your foot in the water to keep the ripple going.

I surprised myself this week in removing something I had written with absolute no intention for it to be directed at any one person.  Do you have any idea of how many people I know in my small circle, let alone throughout life? I write to raise the level of consciousness, to challenge thinking, to motivate people to step outside the square for a moment. I am touched as much by the young east German guard on my train from Austria as I am from listening to Arch Bishop Tutu speak at a freedom rally in the day when Nelson Mandela was still incarcerated. I didn't grow up in the same house my whole life; on the year I turned 31, I worked out I had moved 31 times. I've known incredibly wealthy people and incredibly poor people, suffering and elation.  You are not the centre of my universe. That would be the person I come home to in my meditations, each morning as I salute the sun. If you need to know what motivates me to be outspoken and at times controversial, I made a promise to my son, I would never be quiet about something which is intrinsically wrong, which causes people to suffer, which harms children, I will never take life for granted whilst children every day are dying, that I will be grateful for every single opportunity life has to offer, for all the opportunities many people never have the chance to try.  I will use my talents, I will open my mind and grow. I will not lay down and stagnate in a pool of pus and let others look after me. It is just not in my genetic makeup.

As well as the fact that my usual approach, when I write, is if they don't like it, they can always get back into the box they came from. Yet when personal attacks are made, mud is thrown, sometimes it catches you in the eye and you are blinded for a moment what you set out to do (surprise surprise, writers have feelings too!), to share another way of seeing a truth, to grow, to live, to change, to be a seed of change, to contribute and never take for granted every single experience we are afforded. If you want to silence a writer, then don't speak.  Challenge adds fuel, it stimulates discussion, it pushes the truth out there faster and further.

In our time alone, let alone history, we have lost  great many people doing their best at doing better, to push a little harder, question when it appears all the answers have been given. "When we know better, you do better" Maya Angelou, is that so hard to comprehend? I've never researched or even Googled it and running out of time this morning, yet I often wonder when I read truly amazing accounts of survival, of leaders is it true that those who have the greatest capacity to give are those who have lost the most? Is it true that those who complain the most have the greatest amount to be grateful for, have never really known real, touch your hand suffering? So would neuroscientist or even behaviourists be true in hypothesising that brain which wires with ignorance, has failed to learn from the types of environmental stimulus which not only delivers advertisty, it creates resilience?

This year Grant Oyston, Founder Invisible Children and the person beyond KONY 2012 took the violence of the LRA to the wider world, that sharing the truth would promote discussion, raise awareness and bring an end to the atrocities in Central Affrica. http://invisiblechildren.com/


Mr Oyston stated in a response letter to his critics "fight propaganda with the fair pursuit of balanced truths, not with propaganda of your own"; if you are going to wage a war of attacks against someone elses truths at least make it honest and fair, at least have a balanced view to support your argument, why smear mud on something you know nothing about, let alone experienced.

Sometimes at the art gallery I would find myself drawn to a painting; to some it would seem child like, even unworthy of hanging in such a reputable location, let alone its price tag; yet few ever stop to imagine the mind of a person who could create so much from so little.

If the cure for ignorance is truly to question, is the truth is out there and we need only not seek it, yet allow others to seek it for us as well.  Then at least be grateful for those who dare to be 'the crazy ones' those who are 'different', who stand up, speak up and say what has to be said, against the masses. The ones who sacrifice fitting it, for standing out, who give up the luxury of freedom to be scrutinised, to carry the burden of their own scars, those of many when they don't even know their names. Maybe even a thank you could be warranted, as you except the changes to improve your life, the freedom to say something or do nothing, the truth they dare to seek as you relax in the comfort of your armchair.


 Thank you to all those who speak the truth, seek the truth and create change in the world. Thank you for daring to be different.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Fields of Gold

Being haunted by the mesmorising voice of Eva Cassidy this morning, I had forgotten how some songs take you to places you had long placed in the box & locked away "many years have passed, since those summer days". Music has this way of igniting the soul to push harder than you thought possible, to motivate, inspire, take our hearts with both hands & squeeze it gently one beat after the other until we are remindered how to breathe on our own again. 
If you let the small moments, the synchronicity of timely reminders to enter your mind, you too can teach yourself to absorb each lesson, whether it be a timely song, a rainbow on a cloudy day, the right person at the right time, the name on a number plate just at the same moment you think of someone who hasn't crossed your mind in too long; without trying to over analyse why this has happened & why now, just that it has & allow your soul to drift with its flow & embrace its meaning.

The Dr kruszelnicki's of our world would have you deconstruct the reality & assure you such powers of persuasion, the mind's ability to manifest it's own reality, to think about something often enough you can make it happen, is just not possible. How then do we explain the series of events in The Secret of Luck? http://www.sbs.com.au/documentary/video/2294844688/Derren-Brown-The-Experiments-Ep4-The-Secret-Of-Luck . How do you take a lie about a lucky dog & make it lucky? Not for one person, not for a small group, a town?
There is something powerful & should anyone ever truly harness the answers I believe will be our greatest loss, some things are best being a mystery.  Yet it is the struggle of humanity to seek control over themselves, over others, over the events which change our lives & so in turn force the direction of their lives into a well designed construction, already mapped, planned & organised & then spend the hard earned dollars they so desperately crave to feed the craving of this thirsty void, in therapy & on substances to ease the confusion of why they are not where they wanted to be or when they arrived, not what they thought it would be like & at a loss to why they are unhappy.


"OMGosh, what is this feeling I'm experiencing" "oh wait, I'll just pour another glass, eat another piece, yell a little louder....aaahhh now it's gone, what a useless feeling that is".

Is there a force greater than all forces known to man? A force many a theorists have tried to define & fail in their attempts to document human thought or are Skinner, Maslow, Freud, Gestalt are they all on the right path? How much power does the human mind control?

I see its wonders & its devestations, the minds which use positive motivation to push past pain barriers, beyond the finish line & without the need to sell their soul to obtain it (or their reputation & sponsorship deals).  Then are those who feed the negativity, focus too long on the physical reality & more quick to reject any alternate idea, thought or experience, the "my way is the only way" people of the world. We may be one species, yet we are separated by those who are embracing life, strength & possibilities & those who accept, tolerate & need a rational explanation behind every decision in order to move forward (Yet we all know where those people are right now, don't we!)
What is bizarre as I'm throwing up my thoughts this morning in one not so well digested form, is I lay in bed last night contemplating a moment in time, an Eva Cassidy moment and then this morning (when I should be already on my bike!) I decide to go via the office on the way to putting my shoes on & find myself listening to Eva, not being my intention that morning, sparked by reading a friend's blog; was it another gentle reminder to 'go there', to unleash the senses & stop for a moment, that a 80km bike ride & a 90 mins of yoga is not going to make it all better.
Do we intentionally or unintentionally bring experiences into our lives, is it possible?

In Lynne McTaggart's book 'The Intention Experiment' scientists & non-scientists around the world, believers & non-believers have applauded her work on whether science can define the likes of experiments such as those of Derek Brown. http://theintentionexperiment.com/ .
Other's not so well versed & guided by there own experiences such as 'The Secret' by Rhonda Byre http://thesecret.tv/ again attempt to express in words that you too do have everything you need to have a successful, fulfilling & amazing life, it has been right there inside you all along.


Now for those of you out there focussing on dollar values, real estate, luxury etc, if you have a road block, you need to ask yourself did you read the map right? Did you listen to your inner voices, is your body in the best shape it can be for a journey you are expecting to take a lifetime (to discover & enjoy), are you truly giving it all you've got? Can you celebrate in the joy of other's success or do you mope around, bring them down & think that everyone has it easier than you? Do you give up when the going gets tough? Have you made sacrifices in the best interest of others? of yourself? Ask yourself HOW BAD DO YOU WANT WHAT YOU WANT! What the hell is your voice saying? Are you listening? Are you intune? or are you too busy changing the dial.  Connect people! Connect with yourself.  Before you go trying to change someone else, take a good long hard look at yourself! What could you learn from others? Is your mind open or closed?

So you have something in mind, then ask yourself...why do you want it? Intention, motivation, what is it & why are you driven to find yourself in things, in money, in nothing you can take with you when this life is over.  Is your soul aching, your body giving in, do you bask in the sunlight, feel the warmth on your skin & feel every breathe of alive or are you wallowing in self pity & stuck in what didn't go right instead of realising at sometime in trying to shove yourself & life into the right direction, you ended up in the backseat!

You have life! You have this amazing body, full of so many gems, treats, unbelievable talents you haven't begun to even explore as yet.  Glimpses appear, little reminders to show you the way, yet so many of you are so busy in the business of life; of course you will be lost if you fail to read the sign posts!

Sometimes like Joe http://vimeo.com/27678116?action=share we need to sit in the quiet of our mind, find a solace to strip away all the shit people, all the crap & baggage weighing you down, to hear your own heart beating, plus I'm a yogi addict so if you don't have yoga in your life & you still have the capacity to move & breathe, get out there & start today! it's life changing....ooops sorry side tracked.
 

Now some may call this 'God' or your God with varying names and references, some may call it divine intervention, 'the one', a connection with the 'universe'.  Whatever it is, we do not have all the answers and nor do we need them. Some who take the statistical manuals to define mental health would have another explanation; if you are too low, you have a diagnosis, if you are too high you have a diagnosis, if you do not fit the round hole, you have a diagnosis.  Now sometimes labels can be of benefit, they at least get you access to the support you need, just don't forget you are not the label, you are you.  You decide where you are going.

So back to divine universal intervention & Eva Cassidy!. Those of you who know me, know I've been on this mind cleansing life changing journey for a while now & let me tell you it can be a battle of wills to free your mind & listen to your inner self/voice when you have trained yourself to 'suck it up' get on with it & there are only two speeds in life, go & stop!

Now I've gotta get to my point here, time is ticking & it takes at least an hours ride to the beach & I'm cutting into energy & speed typing away here.

There is a gift here, our greatest gift, many struggle with until their last breathe.  Life is not a struggle, it doesn't need to be, you don't need to resist or fight.  Nor do you need to tolerate or accept it, it just is what it is. Your heart is a guiding force, let it open to all that it wants to absorb, feel, touch, welcome.  YOur soul is its guardian, to keep reminding you when you stray from the path, you will know. 

I made a decision a while ago to listen intently & completely to my heart, to nurture my soul, it was tired, it ached, it had served me well & brought me this far.  Like tired feet after a long journey it needed a rest; a rest from anger, hate, suffering & wanting & these are all the things I did, not what was around me, the things I manifest through my intentions, my choices, my unwilling relentless pursuit of everything outside of me, instead of realising what I needed was here all along. I wanted to see "my true colours" shine through, how would I ever know what I was capable of, what felt good, amazing, supernatural unless I opened my mind, my heart & my life to allowing it to enter?

I can tell you honestly it has been one hell of a ride, scary, bumpy & facing some fears, one by one has been the hardest part.  I decided to deconstruct every obstacle, not by force, by nurturing it, to challenge, yet embrace whatever it was (is any of this making sense?).

For those who need a step by step instruction, what did this mean? Well when life when bang & flipped upside down I had to change & change fast.  I took away all the fake & plastic things which didn't help me to move forward, crap food, crap experiences, unhealthy lifestyle, unhealthy thinking & then made a list 'the bucket list' of all the things I would love to experience, not want, just experience in life.  I let my mind take over & imagine food, places & above all people & a sounding voice kept repeating itself & this was my life changing moment.  I made a space I was comfortable with, set some new personal goals, told people who mattered, they mattered, surrounded myself with people who lift me up & take me forward & I made a decision to feel grateful for every single experience, the good, the bad & the ugly for bringing me to this point.

I decided that love was not about possession or taking, it was not forcing yourself onto someone or something.  It had nothing to do with getting what you want & everything to do with living with contentment, peace & knowing your heart could stay open as long as you allowed it to.  It didn't have a time limit, it didn't need a tommorrow, it wan't broken & didn't need fixing.  Everything I had was right there all along.  Everyone I loved was right there all along & I had plenty of room for more & so much it was too much for one person to contain.

So in facing one of my fears I took up kayaking; the tide was up, the dark & gloomy skies didn't help, probably not the best day to try & focus on anything except shark infested deep water! I only had to push out from the shoreline a short way before my heart raced, so strong was the pound I could feel my phone in its zip lock back strapped in the vest moving! Then it took over my body, my hands, my feet, the fear of going where I hadn't gone before, the fear of being my best, the fear of facing a completely unreal construction of something I hadn't even tried before, the fear kicked in! I had an instructor with me & thank goodness they gave me a wide birth! I could have taken a head off with that oar! Then I could feel the pull of the tide, I was absolutely fine going against it (wow I love that metaphor everytime I think of it, me too an absolute capital, always swimming agains the tide & most comfortable) & wow this isn't so bad I thought, then we decided to turn, I had contemplated crossing the channel & going up river, weaving between boats moared nearby.  Then it happened; the tide caught me & I began to drift without control, OMFG I was not in control!!!!!!!!

The shakes took over & I could feel my face, it was hot & I looked for the nearest escape root, something to grab hold of! Oh the water was so dark I couldn't see the oar once it went in.  My instructor gave me a tip, reminded me of what I am made of, who I am, what drives me, to fight the tide, in the sense to let it take me, decide, consciously decide to go with the flow, put the friggin oar in damn it & steer yourself!!!!! Open your mind, stop focussing on the fear, stop listening to your heart pounding, go with it, damn it...go with it!


How the wise one shifts the wind & adjusts the sails when we are at risk of losing our perspective, caught up driving rather than enjoying the journey, I have no explanation.  If you are needing me to explain why 3 nights in a row at exactly 3 am the remote control tank of my son's fired at exactly that time just 3months after our 3yr old son died of cancer, the tank he always wanted to play with & his belonged to his brother, I can't explain it, I don't even want to try.

There are moments we need a piece of 4x2 to a timely region to wake us & jolt our heart into the start position again, like a scream from the top of the highest mountain, "WAKE THE HELL UP YOU ARE SLEEPING!!!!!!" & then there are other times it takes something more subtle, a gentle melancholic reminder we have strayed off the path & if we listen, if we tune in to the sounds around us, you can hear the voice inside telling you which way to go.

All those decisions I made, I grew tired & frustrated & slowly I drifted back into the safety of the shore & rested my oar, I stopped going with the flow, my heart quietened, drowned out by voices of advice & well meaning assurance.  Yet it never passed, it lingered day in & day out & I quietened it like 'Joe' with something more.


Thank you Eva Cassidy & thank you Jac, what a timely reminder, mmm Songbird, True Colours & yes "time after time" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMznNlfLXP4&feature=related

I know where I am going, what my heart aches for, who I am & what I am made of.....do you?
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Thursday, September 27, 2012

Time will not wait....

Been enjoying the early mornings & lack of sleep, using it to my advantage with the extra time; long walks along the river & yesterday at the right moment caught a glimpse of a pod of dolphins with their infants playing about. Both Sophie & I sat on the rocks for a while & just observed in silence. After 10 minutes we were joined by a row of people we usually pass on our walks, with their dogs, perched up on the rocks, all in silence, mesmorized by the simplicity & amazing natural wonder. The dolphins were doing their thing, oblvious to us all gawking at them, some probably wishing they could do this more often, others appreciating not having to buy a ticket to watch such a spectacle & others like us, absorbed in the opportunity to just observe in silence.Later that day I was having a chat with someone who is going through the loss of a family member at present, whose days are nearing the end & only the universe knows when that will be. We were chatting about the finality of life & how so many people even right up til the last breathe refuse to acknowledge all life has a beginning & an ending. Many are happy to throw life around like it is endless & if it breaks you can take it back & try something else, buy a new one or borrow someone elses. In our materialistic world, of all the things we have to face, death still remains the unspoken discussion, remains the fear, the dread & yet it is in death that we learn out greatest lesson....HOW TO LIVE!
Unless you have experienced death & by that I mean touched it, held it, heard it & watched it, it is difficult to really comprehend that time waits for no one. Read all the stories you like, weep if you must, tell yourself because you know someone who lost someone you 'get it', few really do.
Your life is not tommorrow, not yesterday, it is today.
If you are wasting your life you do not 'get it'.
If you are breathing & spend more time complaining about suffering than you don't 'get it'.
If you are telling yourself you don't have enough money to make your dreams come true & you have a house, a car, things, clothes, latest gadgets & eat what you like....you don't 'get it'.
If you are telling yourself this is good enough, the passion has slipped from your relationship, the smile from your face, your body tired & weary, too tired to enjoy the joys of being one of the fortunate few to have someone who loves them......you don't 'get it'.
Life will not wait.There are no guarantees there is a tommorrow.How many lives will be lost as I type this note? How many random acts of violence, innocent deaths, loss of life due to preventable disease & suffering, how many children, partners, sisters, brothers, friends & family will not see the night out.
This year I have known people whose husbands didn't come home & there truck driving husband fell asleep & made national news; losing loved ones overseas without the chance to say goodbye, ache for not being able to tell them one more time what they wanted to all that time.How many people right now are breathing & yet think they are already in hell? They can't know how precious every breath is, they take each opportunity to have a roof over their head, love in their hearts & a life to live for granted because they want more & they want it now. How many people do not realise that living is a choice, existing is just going along for the ride.What you take for granted is up to you, take responsibility for it, if you choose to waste your life, waste opportunities & decide instead of feeling gratitude for the life you have, spend it complaining about the life you wish you had, the life in magazines, the life of neighbours, the life of people you don't even know. For goodness sake wake up people. Your life is YOURS & your life only. Time will not wait.Tis the Spring Equinox & all about reflection, new life, finding balance in the good & not so good, in the old & the new, in letting go & forging new paths.How did a species so clever & amazing become so caught up in selfishness & greed & all the things which continually bring suffering to the individual & the wider community? How is it that as human beings we use our voices to complain more about what we don't have than reaching out to share what we have with those who have less.
I am reflecting, maybe what that was all about this morning, time to reflect. Maybe those opportunities are presented to us all, yet we are so caught up in the busy moments, in the whinging & whining, in the what I don't have, in the wanting more, we fail to see those moments.Life is all about that. It's making time, creating moments & taking responsibility for what you miss, it's your choice.Somewhere today a family are waiting for their loved ones last breathe, they are contemplating all the lost opportunities, all the things they hesitated about, should have said & didn't.YOU CANNOT WAIT! This is the lesson. Time will not wait for you to catch up, it will not wait for you to build your confidence, you cannot push your expectations onto others & believe your way is the only way, the world DOES NOT revolve around you; you make the world revolve, your energy, your contributions, your use of every breathe & every moment you are alive.
If you are taking & not giving, if you have not learned life is all about giving you won't 'get it' till the last breath.Life is not in things, there a million quotes to remind us from people who have all gone before us, who have learned their lesson & want to encourage others to not make the same errors, time will not wait.Time will not wait for you to tell someone you love them.Time will not wait for you to save more.Time will not wait for you to plan that holiday next year or the year after.Time will not wait for you to be a better person.Time will not wait for you to get into shape.
This is about listening to your voice; the voice of compassion, the voice of wanting (of love & connection...don't confuse it with things!); the voice of belonging. You are what you live, what you live every day, the words you use, the voice, your actions, how you treat others, these are all your choice.The other day I read a story of a woman who is now a successful solicitor, as well as a paraolympian. What makes this person amazing is when she was a baby she was diagnosed with neuroblastoma (eye cancer) & lost one eye; after adjusting to that & before starting school, she lost the other to cancer. Not ever one to give up & with parents who could use that determination to channel it in a positive direction she went on to complete her HSC with awesome marks, go to law school & go onto to be a runner at Olympic levels! All without her sight! All with surviving cancer.The world is full of stories of people who looked fear in the face & said get the hell out of my way I'm coming through. People who took life by both .....mmmm hands (LOL) & everything it has to offer, with total disregard for not having the right gear, the right body, the right mind, the right anything, they had an unwaivering sense of determination & resilience to live every breathe until their last.Now I'm not here minimising your struggles, your suffering or grief you have experienced & I certainly wouldn't express it unless I had walked the walk! It hurts like hell!!!! & it stays in the quiet depths of your inner hard drive in a file you keep for when your time comes to meet again. You can choose to either use it to make you stronger or let it bring you down to a level where the view will be just like living in hell! Get up damn it! GET UP!In my lifetime I have had the most amazing experiences. I've travelled to many parts of the world, made friends with the most amazing people, I've loved, been loved, laughed, cried, screamed & danced & every single experience is living.I didn't end up now where I thought I'd be, I had a lot of frustrations & painful lessons along the way, yet I never let anyone tell me what I truly wanted & I know never to trust one persons advice! People will only see the world through their eyes!!!
This year all the astrologists, predictions, even alternate spiritual wise ones are speaking the same language. A shift is in the air. A time to think about who you are, what do you contribute, what meaning does your life have, what legacy will you leave behind.So in true 'Spring Equinox' celebratory form I share with you my thoughts, encourage you to stop & watch dolphins play; tell someone you love them, don't wait, play more with your children let the crap wait! Make that call, don't put off or hestitate, be passionate, feel alive, feel the cold, the heat, the smell of life in your veins & don't waste a single moment. TIME WAITS FOR NO ONE!
XXXXXXXOOOOOOO

Friday, September 7, 2012

Fifty Shades clearer

I read it! Yes me; research purely of course (those of you have read it wipe those cheeky grins off your face) seriously, stop it, the male purchasers out there will know exactly what I am referring to &; of course it’s possible to buy a highly publicised book described as ‘mommy porn’ just to see what all the fuss is about; not like the virgin pubescent stalking mega stores, who grabs a copy between their ‘Wheels’ magazine like a packet of condoms in the supermarket. Personally I think the intrigue &; curiosity eventually took over the assumptions by mentioning the word ‘grey’ (which is a dirty word in itself at the perfect age of 21...forever) in a title hailed as an erotic romantic, I toyed with the idea it had something to do with being outdated, outdone, bored with ‘The Grey Nomads’ &; fantasy, yet the figures didn’t add up. I initially thought I’d rather spend $20 on treating my body to some pampering than on a poorly written & highly criticised book turning feminists purple!

Then something poked me in the eye...the writers eye I mean....the 5.3 million purchases in the UK, outselling, out marketing & out demanding all books in history, including Harry Potter fans (which really goes to tell us children do not have all the buying power!), Dan Brown and self help, self talk, self inspired motivational guru’s, with the chant of their own ‘Secret’, the reality is there is no secret anymore to the chorus of the apparent majority of female buyers worldwide.

EL James has brought S&M into the mainstream as the majority of purchasers captivated by the erotic love story, display a new found acceptance of the reality everyone has issues, is or has the potential to be a little fifty shades f***ed up, some of us 20, some of us 30, some of us even 50+! We can still be sexy, hold down a successful career at the same time, despite a loss of appetite & sleep deprivation.

The book sold around the world and published in languages including Albanian, Chinese, Russian, Serbian and Vietnamese so obviously some topics speak the same language!

This isn’t as the hot, under nothing more than their collar, feminists would have you believe about abuse, torture and domestic violence. It’s as one writer hit ‘the arse with a slap’ to the purple faced critics,  a consensual heterosexual monogamous relationship with a love story! OMgosh people let’s get accurate about this it’s Disney does hand-cuffs, riding crops & fetish!

Some have described the best seller as a manual of abuse & torture, many beg to differ & I would be one of them.  If the individual needs to turn to a poorly written & sexually explicit he meets her, falls for her, crap happens, they sort it story.... to learn about torture, to find a ‘how to’ abuse, then let’s throw out the new to be released DSMV manual on well researched mental health diagnoses & re-write the Crimes Act, after all the critics want you to believe that a book, a movie, an idea takes away your intelligence & responsibility as an adult to make your own choices! Let’s just take a step back here...’poor Anastasia’...such comments do more damage than 100 shades of grey for women today. 

The UK Guardian quotes book burning promoter Clare Phillipson, holding the position of Director for charities involving domestic violence and women in need as claiming she had been waiting for "a feminist icon to savage this misogynistic crap, but nobody did", & could no longer hold herself back, so felt compelled to grab her soap box & climb aboard.  How many women actually chose to take the tube ride in or dare the traffic to central London to throw their worn out copy of FSOG to be burned in honour of the disgusted Phillipson’s misguided beliefs around domestic violence & it’s origins, has not been published; I’d say lucky for Phillipson it is summer in London, otherwise I believe we may have witnessed ‘like hell will freeze over’.

Is it the sex that sold the book? The bondage, the sexual & erotic exploitation experienced by the characters of the book or is it purely the experience and lack of experience which tickled Ms Phillipson & feminist fundamentalists off? (oops ticked I meant to say....hehe) What message do these women send to the Anastasias of the world, educated, opinionated, forthright women who clearly can speak & do for themselves....Ms Phillipson would have us believe if you are a woman & you enjoy any of the tales of FSOG then you have been misled, overpowered and let’s just slap a domestic violence label on the guy who participated. Then there are those who gave ‘poor’ ‘vulnerable’ Anastasia way too much credit, assuming the mere publishing assistant had swapped her literary qualifications for a psych degree & had the capacity to plan, manipulate & “fix” Mr Grey. Oooooh please give us intelligent women a break. No one can force a person to change for starters. True change occurs from the inside out & only through being creative with our own behaviour can we have any power over our journey. “Be the change you want to see”....  

I read one comment last week where a woman stated “what kind of intelligent, educated, well presented woman wants a guy like Mr Grey”...well let’s read on shall we!

Subliminal messages take from them what you will; isn’t that the driving force of entertainment, movies, music and books? I didn’t know the ELO track played backwards let alone existed until someone else played it for me at an opportune time. Now it could have been the alcohol, the euphoria of the moment (I was after all born in the 60’s) or the slightly weird chants in reverse on a piece of plastic, yet did I start devil worshipping? Well maybe I could blame the lack of focus & partying through high school (bugger hope my parents aren't reading this!)on ELO music &  that would lighten the responsibility load somewhat.

Get off your soap box Ms Phillipson & get onto something with more substance. When as a society are we going to stop treating adults as victims, this ‘I didn’t have a choice’ attitude is utterly boring.  Poor Adam, persuaded by that horrible vixon Eve to bite into the Apple...what does that say about men? Easily led? Easily distracted? Self centred? Self motivated? Lack of judgement? What does it say about women? Capable? Clever? Self motivated? Definitely in control! Now we all know this not to be true (hehehe).

If we are looking for common sense & a woman speaking on behalf of the trillions enjoying the trilogy behavioural psychologist Jo Hemmings has obviously swallowed the right pills. "In my view, the appalling nature of domestic violence – and I wholly support the amazing work that refuges do for women at traumatic and vulnerable periods of their lives – has absolutely nothing to do with the pain/pleasure sexual axis within a fictional love story which has brought a lot of entertainment to millions of women. It does them a disservice," she said.

Most adults, said Hemmings, "have a pretty good handle on what and what isn't morally acceptable. Does reading a thriller involving murder makes us more likely to commit one? Or even consider it? Of course not."

Even self appointed sexual submissive Sophie Morgan claims “but as I dated I began to realise I thrived on the challenge of submitting to someone else. It might seem strange if you're not that way inclined, but I enjoy the catharsis of the pain – which, trust me, feels very different in an erotic situation as otherwise I'm the sort of woman who can't cope with a leg wax because it hurts too much. I find being challenged and humiliated hot. Without being big headed, in my day-to-day life I can pretty much handle whatever the universe throws at me, so being on the back foot (although not passive, another misconception of what being submissive means) and reacting often brings about an adrenaline high in its own right; like sky diving but with more nakedness and no plummeting to the ground.” Yet she too goes on to slam the book as being disproportionate to what a ‘real’ submissive is all about. “It comes back to the nature of consent”, oh & so it does Ms Morgan, so it does.

Domestic abuse is and will always remain indefensible; to suggest personal relationships between consenting adults centred on erotic fantasies endorses or encourages sexual violence is not only wrong, it’s a disgusting misuse of context. Violence is about power and control, it’s not about sex and erotica. Such suggestions do more harm to the causes in need of deconstructing myths and stereotypes rather than reinforcing them.

There isn’t a behavioural or developmental theorist out there who doesn’t argue the basis of humanity is driven by our fundamental desire....to belong, to need someone, to feel connected, to feel a sense of self, sense of others, to feel love. It's who we are, what makes us tick, even when we can't hear it ourselves & no matter how hard you attempt to bury it, it's voice is louder than anything you've heard before.

It’s alright for some human beings to become addicted to the adrenalin pumping, body slamming contact sports, to come off the field or hot & sweaty, smiling from ear to ear, yet when it is more about the consensual intimacy between two adults it is labelled as abuse, violence and torture! Oh please feminists, go back & re read your history books or wait another 20 or 30 years & make your money out of taking back what you said in the first place.

Is it that the maybe 1 or 2 times a week below average romp between couples with & without kids is now termed ‘vanilla’ and average has a whole new meaning? When making time for a shower meant getting hot water before the kids used it all & having someone tell you what to eat for dinner was more a luxury than considered abuse by the feminist! Stop telling us what we need and want, we damn well know what it is, we like it that way & by the way I don’t want to change my own light bulbs I can’t even reach them for starters.

Is the problem that Mr Fifty Shades of f**ed up  (Anastasia coins the term not me!) highlights the underlying desires which give birth around adolescence in males with a deep desire for domination, fancy dress, anything but vanilla and now the word is out women want it & men are at a loss to keep up? Well tough bickies! EL James has shoved it out there with a nice leather handled heave ho; putting women’s needs on top, the sexual needs; enjoyment of women are on the agenda & the whingers out there need to get some balls before she buys her own!

Adult superstore owners are seeing more partners with shopping lists than Aldi, with a speed of a man sent to the chemist on a flying carpet! The word is out, it’s the voice of sex therapists having to consider a different career, being out counselled by an immature young recently graduated Anastasia & seriously screwed up, excess childhood trauma baggage, needs a good woman to sort him out, Christian Grey. Music sales of classical music are soaring like no other concert pianist has been able to manifest, ‘Spem in Alium’ has been at the top of iTunes charts since EL James launched her fantasies online, let alone in paperback; a 2nd track song 'Try', yes.....2nd track people by Nelly Furtado released 8 years ago is out selling latest releases (I one of those downloading!). You name it, helicopter rides, the Heathmans in Portland where the couple stayed is booming with its romance packages, the expensive wines they drink, the Audi (I have to agree with Anastasia who in their right mind would want to swap the Audi for a Saab?) demand is on the up & rising, people want a piece of Christian Grey & the curious Anastasia and willing to pay to get as close as they can in their own reality. It’s permission to bring passion and adventure back into relationships.

Fifty Shades of screwed up has done for the university qualified sexology field what CSI did for forensics! People are talking, aroused and interested.  Couples are speaking about more than when to take the garbage out and “not tonight darling I’m tired” has taken on a whole new meaning. The light has gone on in the bedroom and it isn’t the kids wanting another glass of milk! I mean if someone had of suggested a ‘red room of pain’ to me previously, I would imagine it to involve paint, mess and cleaning up; definitely not a place to unleash the inner goddess, more likely the mummy cranky pants.

In a society bent on boxing people into groups, bent on suggesting those who choose an alternative lifestyle as needing to be fixed or exorcised, even as one church leader claimed earlier this month in Australia by manipulating his position & health statistics, claimed to choose an alternative lifestyle is bad for your health. This writer has taken the exploration of her coffee shop blogging, to smashing champagne like blows to christen a few minds ready to be opened with the energy of a creative genius, with the basic of all our human drives & needs to the top of her bank account with a large clang of ‘cha-ching’.

Women are now not only listening to their inner goddess they are talking back to her, holding conversations & dressing up for the occasion! Who needs Tupperware when you can have a ‘Shades of Summer’ party with your besties. Yet come on feminist anti-shaders; we are no more caught up in the luxury presents which start as a sincere gesture with the purchase of a vintage book (come on as a book lover, writer, hoarder of books..... a new guy remembering your favourite read, scouring the universe to locate, purchase & send it to you....cha-ching again!). Though if the do-gooders get down off their mmm what do they get up on? for one minute & look at what is real, what is creative exploration, for most ‘mommies’ out there apparently the excitement is more in the fantasy of having a live-in, clean your red room of pain & prepare three awesome meals a day for you, housekeeper scenario than it is giving up the minivan for the Saab! Someone else to mop the floors, wow my endorphins are surging already!

I mean ladies, ladies, men, men, Mel Gibson misdirected as he was about the follow through, yet clearly tried to point us in the right direction years ago with ‘What women want’ and despite the panic button push of the porn industry claiming FSOG has produced nothing more than a cheap written version of their own smutty, illicit, distasteful, illegal (in most cases) videos, IT’S A BOOK! If you don’t like it, don’t buy it (borrow a friend’s and no one will ever know).  Though what is tickling the pockets of Random House is EL James has raised the bar, creative sexual desire is out there, what women want is being discussed at restaurants in the open, it’s on the menu (who decided on our behalf to take it off in the first place?). I mean here is a guy, rich guy, smart guy, got his crap together guy (despite the well drawn out attachment disorders), the body of a Greek god and he doesn’t want a supermodel, he isn’t lusting over a perfectly manicured and experienced women he knows has it all, he wants a woman the way she is, vanilla if it’s the way it has to be! Just because she happens to know more about 19th Century literature than her own body does it make it any less consensual? OM double gosh...a woman with a brain that takes pleasure in her own body, what could be more alarming?

So in true soap box form & the intrinsic ‘worked up’ nature of a blogger I raise these questions to you about the nature of human desire, the honesty, passion lacking in relationships & highlighted by the craze of FSOG sweeping book stores, online chat groups, retail stores & more.

Who wouldn’t get worked up? Frustrated by the ridiculous outrageous book burning suggestions made by critics? Well known sex therapist, author; respected woman Bettina Arndt knows too well how discussing sex can make one famous; it’s knowledge & the support provided to people who in isolation are losing the spark in their relationships, a crave & drive for the insatiable need for more; detailing in her book ‘The sex diaries’ research involving 98 couples negotiating their ‘sex supply’ & in her next best seller ‘What men want – in bed’ based on 150 men writing about why sex matters.  I’m still coming to terms with the admissions by several men who live in ‘loveless’ relationships...why the hell would any person stay in a place that made them utterly & completely lifeless & miserable?  Ms Phillipson you want to talk about power & misuse the word to make generalised assumptions about S&M through lack of knowledge, then come clean about the women out there who regularly use sex as a weapon of control over their male partners, who learn how & when to withhold sex in order to meet their own needs, like getting the dishes done!

To be truly honest, despite my new found appreciation & respect for a book which seems to not only to be totally out of character for me, yet enlightening; has provided more boost to relationships than Pfzier did with Viagra & surprised me despite not finishing the trilogy at this stage, as I love nothing more than to be surprised (which is a rare occurence these days).  To be honest I initially found EL James writing boring, difficult to get my teeth into (I did say “boring” didn’t I?). Then luck would have it, whilst the half finished Fifty Shades Darker collected dust on the shelf & whilst I tried to get my head around a whity response to release some creative angst, it took my hip giving out from apparent “punishing my body” to put me in the hammock under the sun for a few days to pick up where Mr Grey & I left off. If it were just about the erotic sexual desires & detailed accounts of the couples exploits, it’s would have been much cheaper, less invasive than being seen at the checkout with a price check on “Fifty Shades of Grey the third one” to download on the Kindle. OK it pushes a few buttons, yet none a little double dose of yoga inversion therapy could not fix. Most of the inner goddess’ I know could do the red room of pain standing on their heads balancing all the balls in our hands! It’s more than that; it has always been about more than that.

Human beings will always be driven by the need to be to be wanted.  Up until EL James a few had dabbled, none had the audacity or marketing skills of an ex executive producer to push it as far as she has, to put it out there to the universe, targeting the voice of men, the voice of women and the ending we all crave in one series. We want to be wanted, whole heartedly, from the tips of our toes, to our decreasing hairlines, every muscle, sinew, piece of grey, inked part of our amazing beating bodies, small bodies, large bodies, scarred, hurt bodies; complicated, confused bodies, cuddly & warm bodies, cold bodies needing of a little lipstick map of 'do not go' areas, by someone who needs us more than we need the pleasure of ourselves. We want to be loved with the softness of a giving heart, to trust ourselves to be fully vulnerable, to walk naked as we are, tall & confident, knowing we too have eyes of appreciation on us with the firmness of passion & desire; we want permission to let the inner goddess shake her booty on the table tops if she so needs & in the comfort & intimacy of her own home; someone tell me what is wrong or non consenual about that!

People are caught up in the honesty of EL James to capture the sexual desires and complicated relationship of two people wanting what obviously too many have dreamt about and failed to trust themselves, their friends & more importantly their partners to talk about openly.

So I agree with many a blogger out there and dowse a little cold water on the hot hopes of partners thinking there has been a tsunami like shift in their partner’s appetite and it’s all in relation to the biting lips and butt slapping.  As a writer it has to be somewhat ‘insulting’ to have the successful beyond comprehension trilogy referred to as ‘Mommy porn’, to the marketing executives they would be dancing starkers on the boardroom tables by now to the screams of “laters baby”; when the majority of readers are just as attracted to the vulnerability; suffering of a now grown up previously traumatised male child with significant attachment issues; the young ‘I can think for myself’, slightly clumsy, gutsy, turned prurient woman who becomes ‘the difference’ in his change, than they are with thoughts of having to maintain grace under pressure at a masked ball! It’s a love story people, readers are still unknowingly switched on by the innate desire of all of us to want to connect to someone, to belong, to feel needed, wanted, desired, it’s romance naked!

For goodness sake all you grownups out there, human intimacy is the most natural part of our development, it has less calories than alcohol and chocolate and increases more endorphins, it’s good for your health. How can you think you know what your partner likes to eat, what movies, books they enjoy, how to dress them (for the control freaks out there) and not care or even know what turns them on? If it’s not happening people than for goodness sake verbalise it! FSOG is not new.  By predictions it’s just the tip of the iceberg, it’s poured curiosity into a melting pot with desire & yes....wait for it ....LOVE!.  It’s shown you can be f***ed up, present as Adonis to the universe, to truly be yourself; yet underneath, that whilst there is a beat, it will carry you through, that longing, it will take you where you need to be; it's possible, wounds heal & you can still have a fulfilling & amazing relationship, fuelled with passion, founded in honesty & it starts with the acceptance of who you are & what you bring to a relationship.

It’s a love story; it’s not your average chick flick, probably needs a rating on the cover, yet why is love too often limited to a four letter word with no actions.  Why is all the passion in the first few years of a relationship when clearly if we even take the heart, the symbol of love, the organ which is responsible for keeping our bodies firing, the machine which keeps the flow of oxygen; happy juice flowing through our veins, if we take this as symbolic of love then why do we not allow love all this and more? The heart is everything to the body, without it there is no life.  When it fails to work, we hope, pray & we do at times fix it, keep it going, it brings life to every axis of our being. When we love why ares so many afraid to be all, to be vulnerable, to allow each other, to give their body & therefore their soul, does love have no boundaries? Don’t hide behind the ignorance of Phillipson, the fear; fear of the unknown, fear of the ignorant, life is a journey of lessons, let your heart guide you, trust your instinct, trust yourself, be trusting of others and each other.

Make a call, 1-800-inner-goddess, tell her you are sorry it’s been a while & you should have called sooner yet kids, routine and boredom set in, you lost contact.  Tell her you know someone you’d like her to meet, introduce them.

So about the self torture stuff I mentioned, pounding myself into the pavement kilometre after another, clearing my head, only feeling satisfied after soaking to the bone & exhausted. Clearly there are much more enjoyable ways to feel pain. I take back my early assumptions, $20 well spent, definitely much more pampering for the body; inversion therapy will definitely come in handy! I'm going to take my Bosweillia & stay off my hip, spend an awful lot of time enjoying the view from the hammock & finish the trilogy! (email me if you need to borrow them when I'm done!)

So if you haven’t read it & you are putting of being caught up in the demeaning hype, take a word of advice from Christian Grey “We are consenting adults and what we do behind closed doors is between ourselves.  You need to free your mind and listen to your body”.