Life is in the struggle & the coming out the other side

In every aspect of our search for who we are, why we are, what are we, are the trillion hypotheses about the purpose & its meaning.  Some never contemplate the bigger picture, it never crosses their busy or ignorant or well educate concrete thinking minds, yet I tend to believe we all contemplate it, some just put on a braver, more stubborn face than others. For those who've experienced loss, the question of what this is all for, is more than a passing thought & really who hasn't experienced loss, tell me that? 

I'm not sure what is going on with the universe at present as if by random chance the weather brings in more than just the odd storm here & there. Maybe it is not the universe, maybe this feeling of not being alone is not because we are shifting in patterns the same as others, more that these patterns are part of being human? We are not alone in what we are going through because we took the time to look at what else is going on & discovered these crap moments, these joyous, exciting & horrible moments, they are happening everyday everywhere we look, if we just open our eyes.

Lately it seems struggle & suffering is abundant in many of the people I know. I can also see, sitting on the sidelines, hope & survival, strength & compassion in the very same locations & people. So many feeling isolated & alone, losing hope & close to giving up. I wonder of the intense pain inside the person that ends the only thing we have power over, our life. What it is that a person seeks, has lost, is disappointed by in life that would drive them to that decision.  As many us who have seen the other side of the storm know too well "this too shall pass", tomorrow is another day. 

We've been in those moments, frustrated & so overwhelmed that life scares the hell out of you & yet I can't possibly imagine the thoughts of a person who chooses to give up on us all, to give up on themselves, I only know the incredible sadness that comes from their choice. Right on the verge of stepping off that ledge is another idea, a different perspective, a choice you haven't made (there are so many many more), there is another day & another way. It is an over whelming sadness for all human beings when one of us chooses to give up on life. That we have become so caught up in what we have not, that we lose focus on what we have right now. What happened yesterday is gone, there is no changing it now. What is happening tomorrow hasn't occurred, there is always the potential it can go another way, there are no certainties, never. That someone among us could feel so isolated & alone to convince themselves no one is there for them, no one could help them through this is the greatest sadness of all.  How as a species have we become so disconnected from each other, so busy in all that we do, so ignorant & apathetic that we have stored each other into little neat boxes for later. We have become so busy, so caught up in our pursuit of goals, that we have so little time for the journey for every single person we meet along the way. 

We are who we are because of the people we meet.  They may have been your enemies, your friends, family or lovers; they may have caused you enormous pain, suffering, heart ache or joy.  You are who you are today, right at this moment from every single experience you have encountered, they have each contributed to shaping your thoughts, your behaviour & you through your choices have these experiences to either guide you or to wedge you somewhere you don't want to be.  

Whatever you find is your purpose in life, the answer is not in a pursuit of happiness or things. Purpose is not in results, in material objects, in controlling everything around you, in hiding or escaping reality through drugs, alcohol or lies; nor in the ideal job, wife, husband, children. If you want purpose & haven't found it as yet, then stop looking, it was there all along. These things are your purpose, these moments each & every single one, the mistakes & the successes.  It's neither complex or easy, it just is what it is. You don't need schools to learn, yet learning is found in schools; you don't need to love to know loss, being alone will teach you that just as well.  There is suffering in every single example of a human being, to think of yourself as the only person who can understand your suffering is insular & ignorant, every single one of us knows suffering, you are no more important or less than important than whoever you sit next to on the bus. You are you & they are them & as we go through life attempting to find meaning & make sense from the crap, the mundane, the routine, the extra ordinary, we have a gift that no other species on the planet has, to take meaning from life, from these experiences; each of them, all of them or none of them. 

To think of yourself as the same as another is a waste of thought, we are no more the same in all aspects of who we are than two plants, two pieces of dust, two animals. We are both ordinary & extraordinary, we can make the most of what we have or take it for granted. The more we give to life, the more we receive from life.  You can't smell flowers from sitting in your arm chair, you need to get out there, grow a few, plant a few seeds, trial & error & experience it. 

Francis Xavier was credited as stating "Give me the child until he is 7 and I'll give you the man", there have been more developmental theorists, psychologists, researchers & professionals along the way who either directly or indirectly claim behaviour as the strongest indicator of who we will become.  There are some who believe you can take any child at birth & change their trajectory by merely providing the ideal circumstances & environment.  Yet what is that? The US Government once thought after the war & bombing of entire community resulting in hundreds of orphans they could provide the neatest, cleanest hospitals & children would be better off, the children would thrive. Half of the children remained in the community, fostered out to extended family & kin. What we know now is that as human beings we need more than stuff, more than the brightest, cleanest environments, we need to be hugged, to be loved, to connect, to be held & to feel like we matter.  Our purpose is in the meaning we experience every single day through each experience with each other. As we grow, we experience, we learn & we grow, experience & learn, it never stops. 

I cannot think of a more repulsive word (or maybe a few) than assimilate.  What the hell? Why should any culture be so arrogant & self righteous they believe another culture should surrender their values, beliefs, history, traditions & become as they think they should become.  Is it beyond their small mediocre minds to fathom learning from each other, discovering & appreciating uniqueness & to put aside the belief we are intrinsically all the same? It is impossible, we cannot ever be the same.  Our experiences will shape that.  If you've ever had children you will know no two siblings are completely the same, please don't make the mistake of treating them like they are. Cultures are no different. We each come with our flaws, our mistakes to learn from & our gifts. 

"We don't always get what we want",yes Mick it is a wonderful stroke of luck. The greatest lessons is the change in wind, change in our sails & sending us off in different directions. We can learn if we chose or we can curl up in a ball & watch it all go by. The lessons will be painful, frustrating & at times will bring us to our knees. There will be those of us who seek answers & results; be weighed down by the discovery there is no answer.  At times the outcomes will never be that which we seek. It's like putting in your order for something at the drive-thru as you are too busy to find time to get out of your car & walk in. You drive off in a hurry & miles down the road you realise it isn't what you wanted, you can either complain about what you received, spend the very time you didn't have (or so you believed) in the first place to drive back or consider it a wonderful stroke of luck that you have something to try you've never considered before & embrace every thing, taste it & get on with the day. You could also slow down & stop rushing through life as if you are heading towards the finish line as quickly as possible. You could have checked your order before you rushed off, you could have noticed how busy the business was as you hurried through. You could have taken in way more information than just what was relevant to you.  We all matter, it all matters, the little stuff & the big stuff.  How you react, how you interpret each experience will all be a result of how much you are willing to take in. 

I've been doing analysis of behaviour & observing people for some time.  I started out with children, widened my scope & now observing behaviour is more a passion & interest than feels like work. I notice things & often don't realise how much or how little until I start making notes later. Yet despite having a large capacity to take in a lot of information visually, verbally & cognitively, it's still only one view, my perspective based on my experience, skill & knowledge.  Sitting down & discussing/reflecting on observations in a team demonstrates how much you observe differently to others & there are so many professionals (including the medical & psychological) who get this wrong when they assume their view is the only lens we need to use. It has always amazed me how when diagnosing children a parent's perspective/opinion is the underlying evidence for diagnosis. Yet it's only one view, it might be a reliable one, yet it might be the contributing factor! When you open your eyes to different ways of knowing, to looking at people with a different lens you see so much more than you ever thought was there. You see different people, you see a different you. 

We come into the world wanting to know everything, believing we do, discovering we don't & hopefully accepting we don't need to know it all. As children we struggle to grow up, as adults we struggle to stay young. Life is all in the struggle, these are the meanings we have, learning you are not in control, discovering resistance is not only exhausting it is futile; death is upon every single one of us, there is no way out & we all headed to the same outcome.  

In the movie 'About Time' a young man is handed a secret on turning 18 that he can go back in time & re order events to achieve his own outcome.  Yet as he discovers it isn't all its cracked up to be.  If you go back before a baby is born/conceived, you alter whether it occurs at all; some times you have to make a choice between having what you want & doing what is best for someone else, you can't save everyone. As his Dad cursed with the same gift discovers he can't go back & never take up smoking, therefore never dying of cancer as that would be before he conceived his son & that is an event he would never want to erase.

In Mitch Albom's 'The Time Keeper' a young adolescent girls wants to give up on time & a old terminally ill wealthy man wants to find a way to live forever.  Father Time is sentenced to teaching them both about time in order to fully understand its meaning & his own purpose in time. 

"The Struggle of winning & losing
Is the struggle of poniard & blow;
But the struggle of heart & the struggle of mind
Is the struggle to learn to let go". 

From 'Learning to Let go' in 5 Stages of the Soul - quote from Lucy Dulles, a high school student.

We each have 24 hours, leaders, writers, artists, scientists, friends, family, lovers, criminals, waste of timers, all of us exactly the same time & what we do with it is our responsibility.  Whether we step up or step down, we let go or hold on.  The only thing we have control over despite millions of Ted talks on taking life by the balls & getting what you want, is our choice to do what we want.  Life has this way of taking us on a journey we need, to the wrong places at the right times. You can keep trying to swim up stream & wear yourself out or you can sit on the banks, glass of wine in your hand & laugh with a few friends watching the others struggle & struggle & struggle. No matter which choice you make, these events, the struggle & the friends, they are your life.  Whatever matters will be what you bring into the world & what you take out. Your life.

There is a legend among Native Americans which describes every person on the planet has the secrets of life and death written across their forehead. Obviously you can't see it because it's on your forehead. In the 5 Stages of the Soul, it tells the story of a Christian Monk who believes everything we need to know is stored in our heart, the heart is the question & the answer. 

There is the story of the young princess who terrified of snakes asks her father to find somewhere on the planet with no snakes.  He finds a tiny island & builds a small house & she lives there lonely & without experience, without fear.  Each week the staff bring to her food & necessities & on one occasion a snake has made its way into one of the baskets & as she opens it is killed by a poisonous bite.  Fatalistic? or the universe has a way of bringing us that which we need to learn, no matter how hard we try to escape it, we find it, it finds us, time & time again.

Publishers, writers, movie makers write stories time & time again of love lost over decades only to find it again after trying to walk away from what was destined to be all along. It is what it is. You have the steering wheel, you can change direction at any time. You only need to face your fears, stop being concerned about the perspective of others (remember they have no idea what is in your head or heart & only see it from their own perspective). If you don't give something a go, time will not wait for you. Lives are lost every single day. If you don't hold on another day, time will not wait for you either. If something is not going the way it should be, then walk away, shelf it for a while, go outside, take a walk, let the phone go flat, don't talk to the person who pushes your buttons.  If someone doesn't call, then busy yourself & let them go & make their own mistakes. Get on with life.  

This is your life, stop waiting for it to begin, stop complaining it hasn't. Every day is a gift, every breathe, every friend, every experience, hug, kiss, tear.  It might not go the way you expected, then maybe your expectations were wrong in the first place.  Drop the expectations. Get up each day with gratitude for whatever you experience.  

The other day I decided to take all the washing into the laundromat & save on tank water.  There was an older woman folding & commented on my daughter keen to help.  We ended up chatting for a good hour (to the frustration of my daughter who had exceeded her helping quota for the day!) & we discovered each of us had loved & lost someone to exactly the same tumour, in the same location in the brain, with the same symptoms & aired off frustrations we had experienced about the treatment & grief & issues that only someone who had gone through the same experience may understand.  As I was leaving she approached & gave me the largest heartfelt hug & thanked me for taking the time to talk & listen & share.  Yet here I was thinking wow I needed that, those little reminders to get keep my head out of the sand & eyes on the path ahead & despite feeling broken at times & lost, I just met the most resilient & beautiful person (the woman herself had also had breast cancer & cervical cancer & had lost two husbands).  She shared her story of losing the love of her life once & then finding someone else only to experience it again & that in the end only one thing is real.  Not the things, not the money, not the houses or cars or the fake friends, love, just love.

So as you struggle through your day today & you make a choice to either suffer it or embrace it, whether you meet someone amazing, whether you find time to talk to the check out operator, smile at the service station attendant. As you go through life compromising on what matters, know that no one is going to give you meaning, your purpose, your choices are the meaning, the purpose is what you decide to take from it.  If you chose anger & resentment, so it will be yours to keep.  If you chose to love with all your heart, to be compassionate, to see the good in people, to know & appreciate everyone has suffering, to every behaviour there is a story to be told, nothing is as simple or as complex as only you perceive it.  Let go of the arrogance & ignorance. Open your eyes & start looking for the amazing in people.  Start seeing the talents in your children. Stop settling for second best, go for what your heart tells you matters to you. Cut away from the people that drain & exhaust you, who bring you down & keep you there. Surround yourself with people who get you, who push you forward & up, find someone who makes you heart sing & gets you up every single day.

In 'About Time', what was a gift becomes ordinary.  As his father leaves his final advice, he tells him to live everyday as it is, with all the angst, frustration, trials & errors.  Then to go back & live every day again, this time with different eyes, without the angst, frustration, trials.  To live everyday with the view it could be the last.

I've been to enough funerals in my lifetime to last the rest of my own & every single one I hear people saying how they need to do things different, they talk about their regrets, they reminisce about the loves they've lost, the things they didn't say, the "what if.....'s". They seem to get back into their routines & get lost again & give up on themselves way before they give up on other people.

If you never ever go, you'll never ever know & can you live with that? Can you live with never knowing what could have been? Now, right now is the right time.  Say what needs to be said, do what needs to be done. Life is too short to live with regrets, to live with the fear of trying to imagine what someone else will say or feel.  You are not a chameleon so stop trying to change so people will like you.  Be who you are & like every bit of you & those who are destined to be there will be. Love every bit, the hard bits, the soft bits, the tears & the joys. These are all your own, every experience. Touch a few hearts, let them touch yours, live a little, love a lot & get up & try again. Struggle & struggle with the knowledge that something is on the other side, something better, something worthwhile is around the corner.  Have faith, believe in yourself & surround yourself with people who get you there & keep you going.

Whatever you do, no matter how hard it gets, don't give up. It's at that moment, when things are about to change xoxoxo

 

Who are you & what will it take for you to matter to yourself?

OK, this recurring theme just keeps raising it's head like a leopard seal after a singing penguin; begging to either hit it hard or let it have it's way or just keep running! What will it take people, to get up and start living the life you deserved? The one you dream of in the quiet moments, the busy moments, the moments you run so hard on that pavement you feel the impact of the femur and the femoral head as they grind away with the pelvis.
Why do we do it? Block, cut off, drown out, suppress, whatever you want to call it, busy ourselves instead of sitting with what is and what is right, what moves our soul to sing and dance.  Oh that is right, maybe you have forgotten what that is like or worse still you can't recall a moment when your soul moved you to a place above ecstacy other something you digest.
When was the last time you cut loose? Put on your favourite outfit because you just wanted to? When did you tell someone how amazing they are, what they mean to you, how they matter in this world? When did you tell the person you love how you feel to know they live inside your heart? Whilst you are busy worrying about what people will think, is it insane, is it a risk, life is passing you by and so is every person, every event that brings you closer to what you long for.

Some time ago in a rush to get into town and have a few things done, I was asked by my little person what should they wear and of course with being a massive busy person addict, I said wear whatever you like.  Have you ever said this to a 5 yr old?

So out comes this radiant beauty of confidence and independence, hot pink leopard print tutu, with a huge tule skirt, black lace up pirate boots, a feather/fluffy jacket and a crown "I'm ready"....Who could not smile at that picture!

On entering Maccas for a quick treat on the way home I was pulled aside by my little person who asked if people were staring and why would they, so I reminded her it was just at how amazing, daring and gorgeous she is..and what was her response "I know".

Oh to be five again, to be brave enough to be emotional & honest with yourself, let alone others; to rip down the walls of bricks and mortar, security and self protection, to reveal our vulnerability, passion and dreams.  To take off the masks and reveal the true identity, sheltering in comfort & ease, yet too proud or scared to step outside the safety zone.

What are you so afraid of? What happened on the way to adulthood that stole your bravery, courage and risk taking.  Who was it that with a big heeve ho, tossed you behind that brick wall you hide yourself behind, the one who is terrified of letting their heart reveal secrets you agreed to take to the grave; say what needs to be said, be forgiving, understanding, unconditional.

If I said grab some paper and don't start writing until go and write all the questions you've never asked, all the dreams you have, all the desires, passions, thoughts, wishes, things you wish you could do, how much paper would you need?  No I'm not talking just about your bucket list (last time I went down that path I opened up a bloody hornets nest & had to remove the post!). There are some out there who believe anyone who needs a bucket list, who desires anything more than what they have right now is selfish, self centred & has major issues with gratitude.  Yet to put a flip side on that self righteous notion, aren't you not taking for granted the very life you have been given? What about all the children, adults, people out in the world right now suffering, with moments to live, those who have gone before us with unfinished dreams & desires.  I'm sure they would give more than just their opinion to trade your life for the one they no longer have.

Come on people, dig, get out a bulldozer size dig if you have to & dig deep.  Why are you locking away your heart? That soul is aching, it is needing you to find that damn key, open that lock and give it wings! You are your dreams, your actions, every foot you put forward, each time you stand still, you give & take, no one else does it for you. Stop passing the buck.  He/she does not hold you back, you hold yourself back, life has some big ropes that do their best to hold you down, you are the only person who can break those ties or wind them up until you work it out. Give yourself a chance, give others a chance.  You cannot possibly predict how others will react until you give it your best shot.

The thing about behaviour is that whatever you do will affect how someone responds and acts. Shit happens! Yep let's call it what it is & sometimes it comes in a truck, a cup or it drowns you & you nearly suffocate under it. Not everyone can be bothered with thinking before they speak or act & sadly each of us will be the victim of this at some point in our lives.  There will be some who know the incredible pain that is inflicted at the hands of another, either by words or their actions. I can't change that for you, I can't even change my own past.  What I can do is change my attitude towards it, I can take back the power or I can keep feeding it. I can stay on the floor (where the view is dismal) or get my arse off the floor & keep going. That is my choice. Yep there are rules, we live with them, are governed by them and they attempt to keep us from too much chaos and disorder. 

What happens is you get told you can't do something enough, you believe it yourself.  Where you believe in the psychoanalytic stuff that underneath all that white matter or weaved in between it are your tape recordings played over & over in your head that will be the foundations of your decision making.  Some believe it's as simple as wiring.  As a child the lessons we learn are the lessons we keep.  Yet let me tell you what makes you a clever smarty pants species is your capacity to change, to make choices, to basically get your crap together.  Your past does not define you.  Whatever happened, happened & wow did it happen! See it for what it is, take some lessons from it, turn it around in the palm of your hand & take back the power over who you become.

I'm well aware, having seen it in children more than enough, actually probably just as many adults who still believe their voices from childhood.  If you are reminded of what you can't do enough, you forget about what are your strengths, you begin to loose sight of them.

If you are hurt often enough, you begin to believe you are not worthy of love.  You stop believing in its endless possibilities. You give up, give in, let go, hold on too tight. Your stop adapting & changing & growing, you stop learning. You become bogged down & stuck & just like a vehicle pulled to the side of the road, you've turned the engine off & just watching the rest of the world go by.  

When someone lies, deceives and hurts you, you not only stop trusting others, you stop trusting yourself. You stop risk taking, you play it safe, put a few more bricks on that wall and bunker down for life.  As the days go by, you build it higher & you become more comfortable there, not sticks & stones going to get over that wall.

I was there, I'm not talking out of my posterior! I held back, put up with and made excuses and they were justifications for playing the same song rather than learn something new. It is far easier to stay in what is than to go what isn't.  Fear builds anxiety & the more you feed fear the more anxious you are & nothing triggers fear more than uncertainty.  It takes enormous courage & strength to look fear in the face & tell it to get out of your way. Once you do, every step becomes easier & you wonder why you waited so long.

Nothing puts you out there more, builds those biceps & strengthens those butt muscles more than life throwing you back over that wall and you having nothing and I mean nothing to loose. Stop wasting hours in the mirror feeding that uncertainty of who will see you, what will they think, will I be liked, will they laugh; stop listening to all those voices in your head & put on something you love, get comfortable & the right people won't care & those that do won't matter anyway. You realise the people who catch a glimpse of you in your gumboots and favourite lace skirt, hot passionate red lipstick in the daytime, may pass a glance, yet given their minds are so small I bet they won't recall you or that day in 24hrs let alone years from then. If you don't get that stuff off your chest, it will clog up those arteries, it will weigh down that heart and it will anchor the soul in despair.  Cut some loose.

Someone once told me not to change to be what others wanted, otherwise as a chameleon it would never stop & you would never know who you were looking at in the mirror, it would scare the crap out of you everyday! Be yourself & those who are attracted to you will stay & linger, those who don't, let them leave. You do not need to impress anyone, you are impressive. There is nothing more exciting, attractive, sexy, than a person who is unique. You don't need to be the edited, photo chopped chick on the front cover of the magazine, you are you, be proud of you, scars & all.  Find your own style, find your own words, discover your truth. Be YOU!

What we all strive for, ache for & long for, even if we run from it, even if we try & spend all our time & energy working on that wall & cave we hide in, is our need to connect, to belong to someone, to something bigger than ourselves. If you are not you, if you don't even know who that is, how will anyone else?

I was walking through the shops a few weeks back & came across a couple holding hands. Nothing unusual about it at all. It was just one of those days as a single person, busy, life going not exactly as you plan, that you catch a glimpse of this very large woman, no shoes, piercing in many places I would be reluctant to be pierced & a very thing, no shoes (I think they were pants he was wearing, yet I could see more of his underwear than his trousers) & they were gazing at each other, their hands were locked tight & I was thinking wow, just wow. All the dressing up & dressing down & doing what you think is the right thing to make the right connections is only going to push you further off the radar. Just go out there & be the best you, the authentic you & find someone who wants the real version of you.

What legacy do we pass to our children about life, believing in ourselves, being the best we can be if we are sitting in our comfort zone making excuses? They don't need our permission to be their best, they need us to show them. Do you give up, give in? Do you have a wall? Have you dug yourself into a cave? Do you even know who you are? How can they learn how to believe in themselves if you don't believe in you or for them in that matter.

Put on your gumboots, fairy wings and go to town if you have to!
Dance in the kitchen if the music fills you up. Pick up the phone & even if there is no reason & it scares the hell out of you, tell them you love them, you always have, always will & you don't need anyone to complete you, you are complete & they would be crazy to let you go & if they do....let them. Pick up yourself & put on your big girls pants, favourite lipstick, saddle up & keep going.

I was out the other day at the gym, having a chat with someone who is struggling with their body image and they made a comment that it was "ok" for me as I didn't have to worry about that.  Worry no, I don't.  I honestly don't care about some fake, plastic image society has conjured up through people who never stop to question why. Yet luck? I'm me because of luck? 

It is not luck that drags me up everyday and works damn hard every step of the way, every ache, every injury, every kilometre I have to change my music frequently to keep motivating myself to keep going. At first it was self loathing & punishment, now it is a reward. It was the most empowering decision ever. To cut loose those chains that held me back from every decision, every risk, every dream I had.

"What if....." someone put to me, "What if you went after them (dreams, goals, passions) one by one, have you ever thought about what if you caught one? how different you life could be". What if, like Alice down the rabbit hole, you kept going, with no clue as to what or who was up next.  You keep those witts about you, believe in a little magic & hang on tight to that faith! Churchill was spot on, when you get to the end of that rope, tie a knot in it and hang on, swing if you have to!

The obstacles didn't disappear & it was far from easy, yet my attitude had changed, nothing and no one was going to hold me back again.  I savor the shaking in my boots stuff for later & I play Clint Eastwood's voice in my head when the going gets tough "go ahead make my day". Like an energy sucker, I absorb that frustration, the judgements, the untruths; I pack it into that childhood luggage & use it to build those biceps, push the hail damage out of those thighs & all the while smile through the fog in my glasses & sweat running down my neck. I changed my affirmations to remind me of the words of a cancer patient, you can take most things from me, yet you will never take my will power, I will hold it tight til the end. This is no battle or war, it's a willingness to accept the things I can change & can't and to do something about those things I can. I'm no perfect body, I'm not even what the media says is a perfect size, I still like pizza & I still love a glass of wine.  I love even more to feel good about myself & all the working out, starving myself & matching my image to media generate ones will not do that.

Rules like when to do the dishes, when to mow the lawn, what to wear to town, how I can love, who I can't, who I can forgive, who I should, who I should be, who I shouldn't, these ridiculous rules that others conjure up in the boredom of their own lives, in the hope that if they focus on mine long enough, they won't have to address any of their own.  I will be who I choose to be, love who I choose to love, live how I choose to live, I will share my gifts with who I choose to.  I will not bow to your socially constructed ignorant pictures of me.  I don't need you to tell me who I am, I decide.  I don't need you to tell me I'm worthy, I decide.  I don't need you make me feel like I matter, I do matter & if you aren't smart enough to see that then how very sad for you to not have someone like me in your life.

It wasn't luck when I was around 35kg heavier and it isn't luck to balance it while juggling a cup that is already overflowing, another degree, a new career and enough moving to consider a life as a gypsy would be easier! It wasn't luck to rip my heart out from that cave I'd stashed it in for safe keeping & preservation until anthropologist discovered it in its immaculate entirety thousand of years from now, what would they learn from an unused heart, slightly worn & tired? I took it out of that box & couldn't be bothered sticking in on my sleeve, plus I had other plans for those biceps, I stuck it right out front, like a target, with a go ahead take your best shot sign! I thought it is now or never & maybe it will be both.

Be careful people, careful you don't assume that smile has not come without effort, pain and a story you only read about.  Careful not to over generalise or simplify your friends, people who may be smiling through their sheer determination never to give up. This is not luck, something you toss a coin for or gamble on.  You can't bet on life, there are no guarantees. If you don't take the shot you, the opportunity is gone, the wind will change & the conditions along with it & before you know it what once was is now gone.

I can't tell you how to change your life, only you can do that & I wouldn't want to, I'm too busy sorting my own.  I can only chat away about what has worked for me, inspire others, challenge myself and keep going forward. I've learned through experiences I wish I'd never had, that life is not easy, it's damn f***ing hard at times, it could be made easier if someone would just put out their hand to you & help you to your feet, yet that doesn't always happen. Oh sure it would be nice to think Mr Disney was onto something; that some great hot looking perfect partner is going to slay dragons for us, has the best looking horse in town & he can ride! Manages to balance a sword & those red roses & sweep you off your feet all in one big magically swoop.  I feel nauseated just contemplating it. 

Reality is so far different than some chick flick or cartoon you day dream over. We can wish with all our capacity & still need to take a rain check on that & get on with life at times. You need to make your own choices & let others make theirs.  As painful as it can be, if someone can't see you for who you are, like Oprah once said, if they aren't prepared to ride the bus with you then they sure as hell don't deserve to ride in your limo. 

I've worked in bars, as a secretary, cleaned children's toilets, I've done so many things & adapted so many times I feel tired thinking about it. There are people who stayed for the ride & those who dropped off when I didn't fit their image of who they wanted in their life. Funny thing about that is they tend to pop their heads back up when your income goes up, life changes, you drop a bit of weight. I even had a situation where all went well & we got along like a house on fire until they realised I had tattoos & like a switch connected to their mediocre stereotyped driven brains I was then on the out. I've had guys who are more attracted to whatever image they have in their heads that pushes their buttons than they are with what comes out of my mouth. A friend's husband once told me if I only kept quiet & different have an opinion & definitely don't talk about the ugly work stuff, then I was more likely to stop being single (I'm still single). I was married to someone & in a relationship for nearly 20 years who never once read an assignment, a research piece, not one published article or attended any graduations, yet happy to tell me if my arse looked big in something or it didn't & to recommend what I should wear. What people notice about you tells you more about them than it does about you. 

From these lessons & from the loss of major relationships I invested way too much time & are no longer relevant in my life, I found myself.  I found I feel just as comfortable in yoga pants as I do in a suit. I talk & I enjoy talking, I enjoy people who talk & I love what everyone has to say, even when it is wrong lol :) I don't need to find a relationship to complete me, I'm complete. If someone comes along that looks at me & sees the sparkle on my face, behind every scar & lesson that has shaped me along the way; someone who takes the time to listen, to appreciate & can be honest then wow I'll look forward to that, yet I don't need it like I need to breathe. I can breathe pretty well on my own. 


So what will it take? What do you need to get that key & open up that heart you've tucked away in a safety deposit box. Who are you & what is it going to take for you to matter to yourself enough that you dig deep & take a hammer to that wall, take a tank to it if you have to.  What is it going to take for you to come out of that cave & take a look at the view, to find someone to keep you warm, to hold you when you are at your best & worst; when you are sexy & when you need tissues battling the flu. Someone who loves your arse in summer & winter (as we all know winter is a time of comfort food). There is no better time than now to love with all your might, to dance with the freedom of a child  oblivious to an audience, sing like you are the finalist for X Factor and love so great, so unconditionally that you don't need it returned, you have enough to give away & still keep going. Let those in who find it & appreciate it. Wave on & wish them well those who don't. 

Whatever happened before you, before today is yesterday.  You did what you had to do, you survived. You are stronger, more capable & you have learned a few lessons along the way. Now be YOU!

Take a chance on you. 
Take a chance on someone else. 
Take a chance on something different.
Take a risk & if it doesn't work, do it again & again & again.
You are worth the risk.
Believe in yourself. 
You are worthy.
You are enough.
You are complete.

I am different, I am worthy, I am worth the risk and I will keep going whether you realise this or not. 

Now where is that lycra & those boots!

Namaste xoxo