You are the change you seek

Ten Thousand years ago or more, values held clans together, common rules and understandings which gave meaning and direction as a collective community.  The cultural difference with mostly Western society today is our more insular, self dependent, self centred approach, yet at what cost?
As mental health figures continue to rise, the demand on helping professions is too great as individuals seek to find meaning in life, answers to an ache in bones not broken.
As the humanity which struggles seeks meaning in food, objects, material possessions, alcohol, drugs and anything external, they slide further and further off the track as technology and science speed towards the next quick fix. At what cost is this top down approach on our innate being as a species? Trying to fix something which isn't broken at all rather than build up the foundations of what has been there all along, by teaching us how to use our skills, bodies and power to be all we are destined to be.
Life is a journey, full of pot holes, hills and sharp curves.  Are you a passenger in the backseat looking out the window watching the world go by just waiting to get there? Are you a backseat driver and telling everyone else where to go and yet can't be bothered to drive yourself? Are you a co pilot or a driver? This is your journey, you choose the tranport, the stops along the way and whether you embrace it or resist it.
What is innate in human beings is our need as a species to connect with each other, to have a sense of purpose, self worth and relevance; to feel like we matter.  So much time is wasted on temper tantrums and a refusal to accept that this is your life, this is what you have created and this is where you are right now, right here, right now.  Everything that has brought you to this point, good, bad, ugly, has created the person you are right now. 
Until a time machine is invented, you cannot go back and change the past, you cannot go forward to map out your future and even if you could there is no way of controlling every single variable, every person who could alter your 'big plan'; ask yourself what is it you really want here? Why do you want it?
If only I had a better home, better car, more money, more time; if only the kids would behave better, work harder; if only my partner was nicer, easier, more attentive more loving.  All of these "if only..." suggest you as a victim in your life with no power to be the change you want to see.
Are you listening to yourself or silencing your inner voice?
Do you spend more time pretending to be something you are not, try to seek answers by observing what others do, think, wear, say and then wonder why your life has lost direction?
You are a gift, an amazing example of a living organism. You've had everything you need to be the best you can be all along.
Doubting yourself will not serve you well. Switching off to the voice which tries to scream under water "wake up, wake up you are walking asleep" will not bring you closer to your authentic self.
Blaming others, life, not having enough, will not satisfy the voice inside you that cries unhappiness.
There comes a time in life, whether a catalyst shoves you in the right direction, you have lost all that mattered or your own mortality forces self evaluation on you.
Let me reassure you it is not only normal, it is part of growing as a human being to reach a point in life when you look back on the lessons learned, the life before you, the legacy you will leave behind. If you have gone past 40 and haven't reached this point then get your head out of the sand! If you were a child some self righteous adult would label you as 'developmentally delayed'.  Yet as adults people walk around all the time with the heads up their backsides blaming the world for a great deal of the situations they were active contributors and wonder why this ache they try to heal does not repair!
Development does not stop at 18! Mastery of your body, your thoughts, of your power is not a licence issued on your 18th birthday or on which ever ritual passage you reach.  It is through reflecting on yourself, not as some broken object that needs fixing or mending, on your gifts, strengths and contribution; the legacy you will leave long after you cease to exist.
We are all connected by living things, we cannot exist on our own.  We rely on the nature, other species to provide for our shelter, safety and fuel to power our bodies.  Yet a great proportion of humanity ignores this symbiotic relationship, taking for granted the planet will just keep providing as long as we keep taking.
What we do know for certain is nothing last forever.  Living organisms have a beginning and an end.  As we continue to take, take and take from each other, from all living things, eventually the bucket will run dry.
This goes for you, for your relationships, your friendships. Everything has a limit. You have the power to choose everything; yes you have the right to speak and act as you so see fit! Eat what you like, say what you like, you also end up with your own consequences! You cannot continue to punish yourself without your body wearing the brunt of it and your mind; you cannot take from your relationship and punish those who love you without it having a consquence; you cannot keep spending, wanting and needing, without a risk of running out! You are not infinite!
If you want something different, do something different. 
As you condition yourself, you condition others.  The scary part is watching parents conditioning their children, despite all our skill and survival over millions of years, we still have generations of human beings following the same patterns of their parents and those before them, without at least adjusting a few improvements! If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.
In the first five years of development our moral coding begins imprinting on our brains; respect, honesty, our sense of self and reasoning or alternatively disorder, poor self esteem, anti social behaviour (dominant, controlling, difficulty making new friends etc), dishonesty! These are the years of shaping our personality, the innate beliefs about ourselves, our dependence on others (or not). Throughout childhood how we speak to our children is the voice they hear in their heads, whether you believe it or not. 
So where is the balance? What is the point?
The point is for the world to have balance you have an opportunity to be the best you can be.  I'm not suggesting 'the best' that would be to compare you with others and once you go down that path you begin the same spiral.  This is about you.  Are you your best? Do you use your talents? Do you embrace the day? Could you improve your health? Could you love more, be more, do more?
If you don't want your child to be something or someone, ask yourself why? Is this about them or you? Why does it matter? What matters to them? How we value each other is by showing respect for the things that matter to us, through our own eyes. When you criticise, humiliate and belittle, you are telling a story of irrelevance, it doesn't matter, it isn't important, they are not worthy. Your chink in the chain of balance sets in motion an alternative ripple which works against what you unconsciously seek; meaning, to be loved.
I was having a chat with a friend this morning, which spark these thoughts.  They had always needed someone to tell them how to live, what to do and when, their unhappiness with themselves was projected onto others which created this continuous cycle of unhappiness, it justified their actions.  Then the penny dropped. 
There are many different approaches to becoming self actualised, to developing as an adult.  You could go to a therapist who might squeeze the pus out of your unconscious childhood issues, may ask you to lay down on a couch or might empower you to come up with your own solutions.  There is no one way, only the way that works for you.
I'm a strengths based approach person.  I find when people are going through hell it's best not to top up their load with more crap, by digging open wounds which were partially healed, to tell someone when they are worn and tired you need them to run a marathon! I've seen many positive results by people who focus on what they are doing right, enhance their strengths and get themselves into psychologically and physically awesome shape before tackling an olympic style emotional surgery.  No one likes to be kicked when they are down. I'm not suggesting you enable anyone's behaviour, you only allow someone to treat you the way you think you deserve, there is never an excuse for someone wiping their feet on you! That is their issue, handball it back!!!!
We make up rules and justifications to hold on to that which only hurts ourselves; such phrases as "they can't be trusted...." "they made me do it.......", yet trust really is what you extend, someone doesn't give it to you at all. It has been a constant lesson for me in recent years, most importantly trusting myself to make good decisions.  I've had the complete extremes of lessons, friends who said they wouldn't know a more trustworthy or honest person on the planet and others who when life doesn't go right for them, disregard every connection you've ever made and reach for you as the first person to blame; life has this way of presenting the lessons, whether we choose to listen is another thing; trust is never about someone else, it is about you, about trusting yourself, your feelings, your friendship.  You could pour yourself into a relationship and at the end of the day if the other person has trust issues, you will always seem untrustworthy, whether you are an angel sent from heaven or not. This will always be about their vulnerability.  Trust is allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and for some that doesn't sit so well.
I do believe whole heartedly that when you change yourself, when you reflect on yourself as a contributor, you empower yourself with courage and strength, you see your potential, you see you have the capacity to change the circumstances of your life.  You wake up and realise you have been sitting in the back seat and it's about time you drive this life.  You start with being honest with yourself, your motivations and intention.  You look at yourself in the mirror and you absorb the reality of where you are, you are a beautiful, amazing human being and you have so much to offer the world!!!!
Up til now life has been a challenge, all that is going to change, it starts with your attitude.  You are going to be grateful for every single blessing. You are grateful people love you, want you and enjoy your being around.  You will start with respecting yourself and respecting others. You role model your children beauty, radiance, fairness, human compassion and understanding; you create the foundation  of your legacy, respect of self, respect of others, responsibility for your actions.
You contribute to a global shift, that it is time we stop taking, step up and start taking responsibility for ourselves, each other and the planet. It is time to give back. 
You are here, you exist, you have survived not on your own, with the help and support of many, some of whom you will never know. You are grateful beyond measure, for the roof over your head, the food on your table, for the people who matter to you, for life!
You are going be the change you want in your life.  You know where you came from, we all made some bad choices, they were hard lessons, now its time to put those lessons into action. You are going to start and start right now.  xoxoxo

Free love....where? really...???

Relationships are one of the greatest investments of our time (energy, patience, finances and physical capacity) that we will ever make in our lifetime. Relationships require everything and more from us.
If relationships were a bank account and you kept depositing your life savings, everything you had, everytime you went to the bank the teller was rude and abnoxious, then only to find out that on the occasions you went spend a little of those savings, it was empty and in the red, you would close the account, write to the Financial Ombudsman and start hiding your funds under the bed! Why invest so much into something that only takes and allows you to become emotionally bankrupt?
Free love, the term coined in the 60's of the ability to be liberal and generous with our emotional bank account, many children (generations!) appeared from 'free love' yet is it ever really free. What happened to authentic, true, honest, unconditional love. The media plays on the divorce rate and sensationalises the figures, yet who talks about the relationships where people are literally sucking the love out of each other? This affects us all! It's like a chink in the chain.
Attachment has never been more complicated than it is today, with its rules, regulations, contracts and obligations and that is just marriage! Billions, even trillions of unhealthy imprinted children now adults, imprinting on their own children and attempting to condition their spouses to fit a mould which needs re shaping! If only they had read Erickson's theories on psychosocial development and realise they are way off course, love is so much more. A healthy strong relationship says as much about you as it does about you as part of a couple.
If you were to sit down with a timer, a pen, a notepad and as you press go I want you to write every single thing you would like in a relationship, in a committed, intimate, amazing, fulfilling relationship with another human being.  Do you really want to be with a man? or a woman? Who would they be, what do they do, what is it you really want from a relationship?
Go ahead give it a go, I dare you.  If you were authentic (remembering true change, growth and sense of self comes from change) you would turn the key on that mind you lock into constraints, into rules and routines, into shoulds and coulds, let it go, imagine for just a minute, imagine your ultimate relationship.

Now.....are you done with that? I want you to give up another 60 seconds, just a minute of your time.  Grab a timer, use your phone! Sit down, piece of paper and when you press start write everything you have to offer in a relationship, what do you give, will do, to create this amazing fullfilling, hot, passionate and til death do you part relationship! What do you bring to a relationship.  So you do the dishes and fold the washing, no come on.....what do you give to the person you love?

There is no stopping when you do this, let the mind wander, be creative, stop trying to over think, over analyse, control everything, just write!!! Tap into those unconscious thoughts and let them out.

I'm not sure if you are in the relationship you long for, uconsciously or consciously, yet wherever you are right now, you brought yourself to it and you are where you are as an active contributor.  Now that is a hard call I know, there are complex relationships and nothing is ever that simple.  Yet if we know we cannot change someone else, we can only change ourselves, what choices are you making to bring you to your hearts longing? Are you a passenger in your life or in the driving seat!

People stay in unhealthy relationships, unloving; relationships which lack all the things they desire from a connection with another human being like some scene from this is as good as it gets!

What you tolerate, you accept; what you accept, you believe you deserve (whether consciously or unconsciously).

You deserve love, unconditional love. Love which lifts you up, celebrates all the amazing qualities you bring to a relationship.  Love that doesn't tie a rope to your ankle and weigh you down.  Love that is actions not words, you are the best you can be in this relationship and then some! You are radiating, gorgeous, a power to be reckoned with, this relationship is like an energy source and every morning you spring into life stronger, more capable and more alive.

You are the best you can be.......

You are content, happy, joyful, satisfied, you love your body, you enjoy your life, you feel joy and confidence in each step.

You look around your home, it is alive with your presence, this is where you want to be right here right now!

This is not to say relationships don't come with their ups and downs; anyone who has had children, financial pressure, health and disease inflicted on their relationship will know each of these issues on their own can weaken a relationship to the point of it breaking, let along altogether. 

You will hear alot of fake and over sensationalised information telling you what type of relationship you need, should have, yet not until you open your own heart, until you jump in with both feet, will you fail to find the answers.  You are not the person next door, the woman at work or the old friend.  Your relationship is about you and the person you love.  It is much better for you and everyone around you to be a first rate version of yourself than a second rate version of someone else. Be yourself, be authentic!

Honesty, the key ingredient to a healthy relationship, honesty and trust! Have you got the key?

Be honest with yourself, honest with your partner, trust yourself, trust your partner.

What is holding you back, what are you holding back from the person you love.  What choices do you make which prevent them from having the love they so rightfully deserve? Are they the best they can be?

I was chatting with a friend the other day about this very topic, about women who stay in relationships where they live half a life (not just those in violent situations that is a whole different conversation and complex situation this general chat does not include to some point), it is reflected in their body, their skin, their fulfillment, in their conversations, the choices they make in whether they radiate happiness or as good as it gets. Women who have lost the passion for their partners, women who no longer want to be touched by them, let alone any intimacy, women who have given up on themselves as if life stops the moment you enter a relationship! By doing this, you also withhold from the other half of that relationship. You starve yourself, your partner and your relationship.

Ask yourself do you dress they way you like, listen to the music you like, is your routine reflected by your authentic self, do you look forward to your partner, miss them, crave for them. Can you look around your home and is it reflective of the both of you, what does it say? Parenting....oh wow that is a whole other blog! What does your parenting say about you both? Do you parent together, co construct and lead your family as equal guardians or are you at bitter ends over a power struggle? How is this affecting your children! We reap what we sow, children are conditioned into relationships by watching, observing and role modelling.  What will be your legacy?

Yep Black Eyed Peas "where is the love, the love, the love....."

You are a human being, you are a gift of amazing treasures, your learning never ceases, life does not cease until the last breathe you take.

Life may have taken you on a detour, you were tired and needed to pull to the side of the road for a while.  Time to start that engine and get going. You can choose to grow or stagnate. You deserve a relationship alive with love, your partner deserves it and so do your children.

Last year the world was taken by storm by the Fifty Shades Of Grey series; it was one of those conversations like to smack or not to smack which brought out the radicals and the self righteous!
What it demonstrated is the unspoken desire people are craving in relationships.  All these unspoken words, untapped feelings, conversations not being had with their emotional and psychological bank! 

Bettina Ardnt (Psychologist) in her 'Sex Diaries' book highlighted this with real couples of different ages and stages of a relationship all demomtrating again how much is not said in a relationship, how much is withheld, used as currency, human beings suffering through lack of love, affection, intimacy with the most important perosn in their life.  I was absolutely horrified to read of men who stayed in loveless relationships and felt powerless to do anything! Let alone the women who didn't know how to talk with their partners. What would the evolutionary theorists say about that one!

You can choose unconditional love, celebrate everything about yourself, be the best you can be because you deserve it and so does the person who loves you. You can choose confidence, you can choosse to be the best version of yourself or a second rate. Ask yourself are you confident to stand naked in front of the mirror and embrace who you are, each inch, each scar, each lesson along the way.  Are you then prepared to walk naked in front of your partner, are you honest with yourself, do you trust the person you love?

A relationship, your love, is the greatest most amazing investment you will ever make in your lifetime.  It deserves your full conscious attention to yourself and your partner. You deserve to be the best you can be, to experience the full range of emotions human beings come with, to experience the full package.

Get up passionate, incredible women and get going, be the person you so want to be, need to be, long to be. Stop waiting! Put a spring in your step, laughter in your voice, food in the soul, be all that you can be and share it freely, the true meaning of free love.

Go on...get going xo

Same & Different - be the difference you want to see

I am not the person down the street, the story you heard yesterday or a statistic on a piece of paper. We are people, each with our individual differences. Why are people so compelled to focus more on similarities than difference?
When my son was on treatment for a brain tumour, we would often receive well meaning phone calls from people who had "just caught this show on t.v. about breast cancer". Some days I was reduced to simple syllables and was unable to be drawn into the ignorance; a small sympathetic part of me (hanging on by a thread) knew they "just wanted to help". Did they stop before picking up the phone and consider an anaplastic astroyctoma in the brain stem may share the same superordinate level of categorisation yet is a 46 year old woman, a 52 year old man the same as a 16 month old child who has neither touched a drop of alcohol, a cigarette, had a sexual relationship or roasted his tender skin in the sun or voluntarily put his body through any of the contributing risk categories which will see him loose the chance to go to school, marry, have children, live a life. No they didn't stop and they don't think.
I've been reduced to every box, category and similarity you can think of and not just by the professionals.  In my younger more feisty days I had the strength and stupidity to try and highlight the ignorance, now I smile, grab a cup of tea and pick my battles more wisely. It helps me identify who really gives a crap about who I am, where I am going and how I feel and really who doesn't, who needs to reduce me to the person down the street or the chick in a magazine due to the fact that so many complex issues are outside their comprehension in one person, so let's just keep it simple shall we!
It isn't a relatively new soap box topic of mine and many who know me are aware it has this way of pushing a tucked away button everytime when someone over generalises about human beings, particulary mmmwwwaa!.  If we could so easily help each other or judge based on the colour of our skin (OM...Gosh...imagine assuming all white people were the same, now that's a hornets nest waiting for a poke!). 
Everyday in every corner of the globe our lives are being reduced, minimised to tiny categories of generalisation.  It encourages individuals to ignore the differences and focus on the similarities, to judge, to make assumptions, to foster ignorance, it breeds apathy and strips away from humanity the fundamental evolutionary strengths gifted to us which bring us and hold us together.
If you were to focus for one day on how many groups you contribute to, promote and use everyday, then how this impacts on your thinking, how you relate to your family, your friends, loved ones, strangers and ask yourself to do you struggle against it or are you one of the easily led who has so little reality, implicit learning in which to draw from so they are reduced to magazines, newspaper articles and the person down the street to compare people to; you would discover a window of opportunity to change yourself and change the way you impact on others.
We are not numbers or things and there are times when similarities aid us in providing support, treatment and getting jobs done! The DSMV is not an instruction booklet, nor the New Idea, they are different forms of helping us better understand human needs.  If you picked up a new piece of IKEA with or without instructions how would you approach it? Did you know it tells a lot about how you approach anything!. Human beings have no instructions. Our behaviours do not define us, they are guidelines to understanding who we are, don't confuse the two! We can learn to understand triggers and motivations for behaviour, how we process information, a lot of what we do and say is predictable. How you live in your home, where you place your items, what items, what you eat, how you speak, what career you've chosen, partner, how you raise your children, how you communicate with others, with yourself; yes all this information gives hints as to who we are and what drives and motivates us! It's one of the most interesting aspects of being human, why we are who we are and why we do what we do. Yet like a doctor learning about the impact of choices on his health, you start learning more about human behaviour and realise the type of relationships you have enabled!
Human beings are driven by two forms of processing information, the big words are experiential and rational yet basically it comes down to the heart (experiential) and the head (rational) thinking/processing, resulting in how we behave and act. Most people assume the head rules, in fact most our decisions are made through implicit learning, through the experiential system; experiences, interpretation of events, personally meaningful, a system so powerful it has a great deal to do with how the head makes its choices! Hence why despite people being made aware of their irrational thinking and choices, they will still go ahead and do it anyway!
Hence reducing someone you care about, even in a professional capacity, reducing people to pre-planning your help completely negates their experiences, everything before that very moment that has brought them to this point! Now let's not over generalise about generalising! I'm talking about HELP people, when you want to connect with other human beings, sometimes you just need to LISTEN!
It is not statistically or humanly possible to have two people the same, it can't be done.  The environment, our childhoods, our life, living, every single event, our genes make up who we are. 
Two women in their 40's (yep this would be an easy example) one has recently experienced the loss of someone and breakdown of her marriage, the other as well, if this is the only two things which you identify as similarities how could you possibly group these two people in the same category? Do they have children? the same number, same gender, did their marriage breakdown for the same reasons, what was their husbands like, families, extended family, support, where do they live, are they both financially secure, do they eat, live, work the same, have the same professions, the same schooling, have they experienced the same traumas in life, has one had fortune and the other hasn't, do they even have similar personalities, is there really anything similar about these women other than a couple of simple categories?  Forty years people! Forty years of living has brought these two women to this point, don't ignore all that because it makes it easier for you rather than actually listening, actually hear their differences, if you truly understand the meaning of help, it has nothing to do with preconceived ignorant notions and everything to do with listening, hearing and being present in the moment.
I've seen it time and time again with children, with people with mental health illness, with trauma; when we treat people as if they are just like the last and the next you will miss the very difference which can help. Each child is different, not just due to gender, age and appearance; they have their own interests, likes, dislikes, for goodness sake something as basic as the order in which they were born will impact on who they become, you will treat them differently so why assume they are the same?
Advice is well meaning, I get that, people try from the heart (well....most), you cannot stand there and criticise another person for their choices in life, for their motivations, tell them when it's time to move on, let go, get their crap together or stop feeling sorry for themselves, if you really haven't bothered to hear them out, talked the talk and walked their walk! Be the bird! "If you are a bird, I am a bird"..(The Notebook).
The most common mistake people make in over generalising is in relationships.  Individuals compare partners, friends compare friends, their partners; families compare each other.  We neither love the same or act the same with each person, so why would you expect someone to treat everyone they come into contact the same, aside from common values, morals and basic manners! You need to weigh the individual differences, ask yourself what does this person need?
Categories, statistics help; they help professionals, statiticians, management and politicians so let's leave that to them. We need categories, they have their purpose, life is full of groups, sub groups and institutional size sameness.  Categories help to minimise risk, identify it and provide treatment and care. However, even for the professionals they too are separated by the bad, the good and the ones who actually contribute to making a difference, simply by those who identify through attention to detail the individual differences which separates each person with depression, each person grieving, each person who experiences loss, has a diagnosis, needs help.
I would bet you each have a story of misdiagnosis somewhere in there. I can tell you more than a few. Even the professionals get it wrong and they do so spectacularly! I would hedge another bet that each time it is through their failure to look at individual differences, to shoosh their opinions, beliefs and stories in their mind and listen to the tiny details which make this person, what separates their needs, what makes them different to all others with the a similar diagnosis, similar experience, similar lifestyle.
One of the challenges I have on blogging and even Crackbook is generalising has become such a widespread disease you make a simple statement and I guarantee, like firing a round of heat seeking missles, the information seems to be absorbed by those who assume the purpose of your day is to get up and shoot them down! Oh please! 9 out of 10 times I'm discussing an action, a behaviour, an assumption, not a person.
Stereotyping people is such a damaging form of abuse on each other; it infects our core beliefs and values, it can only be irradicated by your refusal to treat all people the same, to challenge the pattern of behaviour which compares your children, partner, friend, family member, colleague, random person in the street "the same" because they look, dress, talk or have the same marital status or illness! These generalisations about children, women, men, married women, divorced men, violence, crime, mental illness, cultures at the opportune times when we can make a difference are neither helpful or use our gifts well. When you stop assuming, you stop making an ass out of u and me!
Nowhere in life are assumptions so devestating, is stereotyping more harmful than in the crime of sexual assault.  With conviction rates in NSW less than 1.6% some years, estimations of over 60,000 (including hospital admissions, crisis services and Police reports) victims and yet so few convictions due to the myths, lies and stereotypes people believe about victims of sexual assault! Just because you carry money in your wallet should you expect to be robbed? When then should a woman who wears a certain clothing, career, stays out late, smiles at someone or even rides a damn bus should expect to be the victim of such an horrific crime! Come on people stop and think before you speak, before you spread the infection of sterotyping.
Now if you are one of those reading this and you can already hear that voice inside your head forming it's assumptions, you haven't heard a thing. You are one of those who need to hear this.
When we talk to people and compare them to someone else who had a similar, yes people, similar not the same experience, we minimise their individual stories to becoming irrelevant, to lack meaning, it tells them you already have a plan to fix them (by the way they are not broken), you may have thought about this before even having a chat, already decided where to file their issues, you have a plan and the most important person in this plan was never consulted!
Believe me it is ingrained in us!
I've worked in catergory driven environments; when you conduct risk assessment, observe behaviour you are looking for similarities, yet never in on my worst days would I ignore the differences, something as simple as a person's pattern and history tells us their story, tells us what brought them to this point, gives us sign posts, what went wrong, what needs to go right and how we can help.  Listen people, listen! Look for the signs, for the differences, hear their unspoken words, treat others as you would like to be treated.
Look at the stranger in the street, regardless of their clothing with an open heart and mind, try giving unconditionally to a friend, without judgement, even when they can't give back (yep that would be an expectation, that is your problem not theirs). Take the time to share our gifts, to reach out to each other in our times of need, to listen, to feel and to connect with each other; to make a difference, to be the difference you want to see.

2013 A year of giving

Of all my children, at some point in their lives they have had the painful experience of having to deal with grief & loss, too many lessons in fact at times they should have gone to bed dreaming more of wish lists and fairytales, what they wanted to be when they grow up, instead of attempting to process how something so painful could be so real, wondering what as adults many never cease asking...when will it stop!

As part of these experiences they've participated in the 'Seasons' program at school, a concept of life being a process of seasons; with everything beginning and ending.  Life being a part of summer, a winter, an autumn, a spring. A time for living, a time for dying, for waiting, for joy.  A season destined with a process of change, for without it there would be no life, we would have no seasons, there would be no symbiotic relationships, no connections, we would all cease to exist.  Instead we do, we exist by our constant interaction with each other, as we begin, we live and life ends.
I entered into to 2012 already stuck an the approaching winter storm.  The gorgeous Australian sun was beaming outside and on the inside we were battening down the hatches. We held our breathe until the storm passed, til the shaking stopped, the noise quietened and waited for winter to begin.  Life is like that, one winter after another, one storm after another. There are days when it seems life has been just that, one long winter. We wait patiently, some make a great fuss about having to stay safe during those cool months, years even, for the moment when 'this too shall pass', we become frustrated, angry, inpatient.
Life is;  there is a time for beginnings, a time for endings, a time for waiting.

I took the time hauled up indoors to keep focussed on the end of winter, I pulled out the 'bucket list' that has kept me alive through every event.  Something so simple as a list of dreams, a list of hopes, of imagining a life other than where I am right then at that moment. It was never called the bucket list back then, it was one of those catalyst moments when you realise dreams are what keep us going forward, they give us hope, they help us grow, aide our change.  As a pre-school teacher many years ago I encouraged children to dream and dream big! I mean what is the point of dreaming who you would be when you grow up if you can't imagine yourself being anyone other than who you are right now.
Somewhere in between preschool and adulthood I noticed the need and greed creep in slowly and consistently.  To prevent it as parents we need to make conscious decisions to foster our children's dreams, to believe in their hopes, to enhance every aspect of their growth. For those who don't have a bucket list or need one, how incredibly inspiring and fortunate. It isn't for everyone, nor should it need to be.  For me there were times when no one called, no one visited and everyday blended into the next; when I looked up to the heavens and said I will not attend one more funeral, I want the next time I enter a church to be a christening, a wedding, a celebration; believing I had unfinished business with life, my foot stuck in the door preventing it from closing, something as simple as a list of tasks, of moments I would love to  experience allowed me to keep going.  I really didn't know when winter would end, so I kept writing my list, I held my breathe and waited for the season to exhale.  Yet to be honest, human behaviour is so predictable that the trajectory of people without dreams, without hope, without belief in themselves or the capacity to change, to learn and to grow, to become a better human being, is pretty clear as all things in nature stagnate. So whilst you may sit there and say I don't need dreams, I don't need hope, I don't need to change; we are not an island. We either change with the seasons or we cease to exist.
I call it waiting for the winter to end, as it seems to be like a ride coming to the final stop; so whilst I call it waiting, it is one hell of an experience in between. It would be ignorant to see waiting as a form of non-participation in life, to see it as allowing others to give you a hand out rather than a hand up, as if waiting is a non-compliance with life.  I strongly advocate positive thinking, staying focussed on your dreams, creating goals for wishes (otherwise a wish will remain a dream), yet the same basic road rules we learned as a child, stop, look, listen, think, applies for every decision you will make.  Waiting is an opportunity for you to stop, look and ask yourself where are you, where do you want to go, what is the impact of you crossing this street, on yourself, on everyone around you; listen to your voice, the voice of others, to the sounds of approaching traffic and over all the noise, listen to your heart; think about stepping off that path in a rush to cross the metaphorical street into spring or summer, are you ready?

Whatever you choose, this is your life, there is a path, one for your neighbour, your friend, your children, your parents, your siblings, everyone and there is only your path. So chose it wisely.

The Mayans hadn't predicted the end of the planet as we know it, why no one ever considered they may have just been short on stone tablets that day is beyond me! The Mayans hypothesised life as having beginnings and endings; a season of growth, of change, of re birth, of new beginnings. What we choose to do with those beginnings will determine the ending, the life in between, the joy, the peace, the happiness, the death. Calendars are another way of constructing a season, a beginning, another end, with man days in between.

For too long humanity has been focussed on need and greed, on wanting more and giving less.  Of taking to the point of generating a drive of consumerism so great we disrupt the seasons of the Amazon, we erradicate species from the face of the planet.  Whether you believe in global warming or not, there is no denying the destruction of humanity on the natural environment in every corner of the globe. As we take more and more from the very living force which sustains our own lives, we de stabilise the very balance of our existence, to live alongside all living things, with each other.

You may think you are just one person, how could you possibly effect something occurring on another continent? So let's take one product, say chocolate for example.  The bulk of chocolate is sourced from cocoa plantations on the West Coast of Africa, some is Fair Trade, yet even then there are no guarantees.  Most of the chocolate we eat has been hand picked by children as young as 6 or even younger; stolen, abducted from their families, told their parents have died or surrendered them into the care of their captors, forced into slave labour to hand pick the cocoa beans which produce the chocolate consumers demand a need for. Without the need there would be no greed.  We produce the need.

You name it, we produce it by how we purchase, how we take, what we fail to give back.  Over fishing our oceans (I mean Queensland has some of the best Barramundi on the planet, yet we are sourcing it from Vietnam?), over clearing our forests, over mining our shores.  I am not suggesting we cease using our resources, yet to the point of leaving a legacy of devestation for our children, a crap load of mess is our legacy? What kind of evolutionary process is this? That is not an evolved race!

It is on these massive scales of selfishness and greed, which trickles into the home, into each person, each instrument of change that the most basic of growth occurs.  It is our inability to step off our paths, to be the force of change, to say this is not good enough, I will not take for granted the air I breathe, the heart I've been given, the life I have. I will make a conscious decision to continue to grow, to change, to be a force of nature, to share my gifts, to dream big, to give back, to stop taking! I will step up and take responsibility for who I am and where I am going.

Life is balance. A balance of nature, a balance of living/dying, happiness/sadness, seasons are a process of balance.  When you stagnate in the suffering, the pain and the hurt, you upset your balance, your balance upsets those around you, those around you upset the universal balance.  You drive the demands of your life, the needs around you, your words, your actions, your beliefs, opinions, how you share with others, give to others, what you give to yourself, it is YOU, it was always YOU.

What if you stopped taking? What if you dipped your toe in the water of change and created a ripple by simply giving back.  Accepting that who you are right now at this moment, you are a part of every person and every event before you. What if you accepted yourself as part of life's balance. What if you discovered your passion, what makes you tick and you gave yourself to it.  What if you woke up and realised it won't matter how many cars you have, how big your house is or bling on your body, without a sense of balance for yourself, you will forever seek to fill an empty space only you can resolve. What if you finally realised love has nothing to do with possession, in telling others how to live their life, in making partners, children, family go without so you feel more fulfilled, what if you stopped taking from everyone around you and started to give back, unconditionally, completely. What if instead of wanting a friend, you were a friend. What if instead of expecting your children to be better, you expected yourself to be a better parent. What if instead of demanding someone love you, you loved someone so completely, so unconditionally, you didn't need their permission to do so.

Life is love increases our sense of balance in life, then love is the stabilising force.  It is a human word and construct, it applies to no other species, we call love anything we want to possess, to own, hang on to.  Yet how can that be love, the very essence of something which is good, selfless and unconditional.  It is not. It is not anger, violence and taking. Like a tight rope walker as our balance in love wobbles from side to side, we try to straighten up by leaning on committment, loyalty, pieces of paper like marriage, on material possessions, even on our children.  We blame everyone and everything around us for our lack of love, our unbalance in life, for our hurt, our pain, our suffering.  Some go to extraordinary lengths as to compete with others as to who has suffered the most, who has it the hardest, who has walked the most miles. We keep throwing things on either end of the balancing pole, hoping that when we get it right, we will find balance.  Don't you get it!

Only one person on the rope at one time! This is your path, your balancing act, the only true force of balance is an empty pole, one foot in front of the other, you with a clear head, heart and soul, from one end to the other, the beginning to the end. You don't add to the balancing act, you give back! Take all that crap off your pole!!!! Take off the material issues weighing you down. Stand naked in all your entered the world in, ask yourself are you ready, are you in the shape you need to make it through winter, to cross this tightrope, are you giving it all you've got!

You cannot force love, you cannot make it, create it, bend it, hold it.  You can give it! Give it unconditionally, share it, spread it, be it. You are your own balance.

You cannot continue to take from others, from humanity, from the planet and not expect that your taking will upset the balance of life.

“To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced
life.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

You cannot love without loss.  There will be winters, the seasons will change, go with it, don't resist, don't try to force it, hold on to it or grip it like it's the last chance you will have. Sometimes you need to feel the unbalance, to remember to listen to your breathe, quieten the mind, connect with your heart and centre yourself. Winters are part of our process of balance in life.  There would be no rainbows without both sun and rain. These events do happen and they will, people will come and go, life will happen.  There will be times of unbalance and times of stability, never stop breathing. Take all life has in and breathe out all that is unnecessary.  Give back to yourself, clear your mind, your lungs, nurture your body, heal the soul.

What if in 2013, you took this opportunity to give yourself to others, to yourself; by starting with nurturing the very gifts you have taken for granted. If you started to appreciate every blessing, every friend, family member, every task before you.  What if by the very process of changing your attitude towards life you created a ripple across your life in abudance. If instead of focussing on others need to change, you changed yourself and by doing so, all around you began to change.

The other night after a few extremely nice wines, trying to stay off a winter chill :) I pulled out my bucket list and with the help of a few volunteers who shall remain sworn to secrecy and nameless, I sent it out there to the universe, it had started to feel like this winter had developed into hibernation and it was time to put a little sun on those seeds of change.  I had unconsciously already started without knowing to put one foot in front of the other, one by one I was removing the weights holding me down, challenging my sense of balance. Not until I looked at the list did I realise it made complete sense why my yoga had improved, my sense of balance restored and the frost was lifting. I was lighter physically, mentally and I was working on the spiritual.

For a long time it  was as D'Souza had stated, "it seemed like life was about to begin", about to.  Stop, listen, think! This is my life, the winter, the seasons of change, these are my forces of change. I could try to resist or I could go with it, be part of the living force that gives us life and takes it away. I could step into everyday in better condition than the day before or refuse to get out of bed. Damn right I was checking off the top most challenging traumas in life and why break a good record now! So everytime you get knocked down it hurts a little more, your body aches a little longer and you need to lay there a fraction more, that is life. Get up! There is no view from down there! Have you ever seen a whale off shore as you bask in the sun during a yoga session on the beach? Get up!

Twelve months ago I could barely cross my legs let alone consider the bakasana. I thought inversion therapy was putting more ice in my drink, never could have possibly conceived the practice of placing my heart higher than my head could create such a ripple of change and a sense of balance. I dreamed of being the same size one day as I was when I finished school (didn't appreciate what I had then either!) let alone go past this and end up sharing a wardrobe with my daughter (I draw the line at cut off denim studded shorts though!!). Yoga has become part of my life, it is my balance barometer and as I salute the sun I am made aware of surrendering to the daily inbalance, the winter, the autumn, the summer and the spring.  It isn't a religion, it isn't something you have to do.  It's a choice.  Seeking balance in life is a choice.  To celebrate what is and what isn't. To breathe in and let it out.  In 2012 People came into my life with skill, with amazing ideas, creativity, friendship and love.  I rediscovered friendships, I found myself. I didn't need to dig too far, it was there all along, I just learned to silence it whilst I was busy getting on with life? People changed who I was 12 months ago and nurtured who I am today. They believed in me and reminded me to believe in myself, to never ever give up.

I learned this year to let go of holding on and start embracing more; I've always known love is not something you steal, take or borrow, it is unconditional, it knows no boundaries, it lives beyond death. I learned not to take the smallest of opportunities for granted, to listen to the lessons, to plant my seeds of change, to nurture them, no matter the years, the lack of rain, to be patient for the sun, that something which has life, that needs rain and sun to grow, needs time. I did a little weeding along the way, nurtured my own patch, worried more about being a better person than being concerned with who wasn't. I shared my gifts more, mothering, friendship, family and love. I made a few committments to myself, to honour the gift of life; to never take it for granted, to be honest, true to myself, to others, to live an authentic life. I opened up to new ways of knowing, of learning, growing, dreaming.  The bucket list grew! I slowed down to spare time to ask an older person struggling with groceries if I could carry anything, hold a new baby for her Mum to shop, pay for something other than for myself, to make someone elses dream a reality and in so I stepped off the path to cross the street!

I'm going into 2013, the year of giving, with a heart open to change, a mind read to explore every adventure as I watch the ripples of friendship (you are just awesome!!!!!! this will be so much fun) break down the obstacles to tackling that bucket list! I have one massive list which includes many miles, many dreams and many challenging experiences, it scares the hell out of me (see crossed another one off just thinking of the list!).  It's like writing your own happy ending, chosing to stop being a passenger of humanity, stop riding on the tailgate, to stop holding life with two hands, to wrap your body around it and suck it in until the two of you become one. The very thought of making this happen is exciting and inspiring, before I even buy a ticket.  I listened to what Oriah called our longing, I stopped, looked, listen and I'm thinking.  Bring on one endless summer!

Ok so I still haven't finished that assignment, I still have 3 exams before the end of January and a pile of unfinished tasks, I didn't say I could do it all over night nor have I have suggested life is easy, I would be the last person persuing that belief! I've stepped off the curb, I've looked and I've listened. I've waited the winter out and I'm looking forward to who and what is on the other side.  The view from where I am standing now is so incredible I can feel the summer on its way.

I have a few mammoth adventures ahead, so if you are up to hiking Cradle Mountain, a trip to PNG, a little Chocolat experience or a damn fine cold beer in Germany, the spiritual connection of Machu Picchu, you have a story to tell and you need a writer or maybe you a publisher and you are after the next big sell! Do I have a year for you!!!!!!

Bring on 2013! the year of giving, to you and to yourselves xo

We can do better

There is intense sadness, loss and grief around the globe tonight, a grief beyond comprehension as an event so unnatural, unfair and man made it swells beyond the borders of a small community in Conneticut. As a friend commented on a Facebook page yesterday, only in the US could gun control be a right and healthcare a privilege.  When children, little children, our children, your children, cannot go to school, to feel safe receiving their human right to an education, we need to do better. We need to do so much better people.
Scientist and anthropologists; some believe we are the most intelligent species on the planet, are we, really? In a world where 95% of our health systems are burdened by preventable disease; famine takes the lives of millions, children, women, men, families; dysfunction is now a common word in families, communities are disconnected and only brought together by tragedy and grief. Someone tell me what is so intelligent about that.
War continues to perpetuate violence, using power, authority and force, as to this day we have failed to produce an alternative.  Greed, anger, hate; the most powerful motivators behind human suffering fueled and justified in the name of peace. Someone please explain to me the intelligence in that. Over thousands of years of killing, hating, using force, we still do not have an alternative solution. What is intelligent about that?

 

When our homes, in the very neighbourhoods we share are experiencing rising family violence, childhood abuse, mental health statistics rising, where many are more concerned about the interest rate of the mortgage rates than they have interest in making their communities safer for children.  When we cannot face the reality of what is in our own street, in our own homes; we cannot protect the very people we may ride the bus with, see in the shopping isle, buy milk from, pick up our garbage, when we cannot even reach out and do something to protect our own neighbours, what hope have we of protecting on a universal scale. What is intelligent about that?

In Australia people sit silently on a bus while a woman is being taunted and abused, the elderly die in their homes and only when the stench is concerning, does someone notice them gone; children being abucted from public highways and shopping centres and we need forensic evidence to find them; neighbours killing their partners and not one damn person steps up and says or does something to prevent it. Come on people! Pick up the phone at least.  People who think not watching the news or reading about it makes their world safer, until it happens to them and then wonder why it happened in the first place. People who have stopped questioning the very moral code and compass we use daily to path a legacy for our children. We are not evolving in some parts of the world, we are expiring.  The human race is adapting to an insular and self motivated, self preserving attitude that is allowing violence to continue in our communities.  When the majority of crime, death by violent crime is drug related and I'm not just talking illegal drugs, we need to ask ourselves what the hell is going on and what are we going to do better!

When we have a headache it is much easier to reach for a tablet and fix it in seconds than it is to change our lifestyle, question what we've been eating, not eating, stress we've been under, what we contributed to it. It is much easier to push responsibility for your child onto the school or your doctor to fix them, than to change yourself. It is much easier and convenient to turn off the tv than to step up as a human being and take responsibility for the gift of life, of breathe and presence on this planet, to be a seed of change, to do something, anything damn, just don't ignore it and please do not use the "it's not my responsibility"....tone with me.  Let's examine that, tell me then what is your responsibility? You, you are responsible for yourself, for your attitudes, your health, your motives and as parents, oh that is so big I don't have the time here this morning.  There is not a piece of research out there about childhood which can steer away from the impact parenting has on the development of the child into an adult.  Your responsibility is a member of the human race to educate, raise and encourage, love, your children.  Not to set them loose irresponsibly on a community and onto others to hurt, harm and abuse, so you can kick back and enjoy the years spending your children's inheritance.  Oh get with it people, wake up.  Advertising is there to tell you the opposite to what you should hear.  It is there to program you into wanting something beyond what you have conceived. Our responsibilities as communities is to help those who cannot help themselves, when we screw up and wow we do it so well as adults, to own it, take responsibility and the level of responsibility that comes with your role and do something about it!

I don't believe I would have been alone in being completely moved as a mother, a human being, having previously worked as a teacher, by the shattered voice of a young teacher who instinctivly knew the right thing to do in those final moments was to tell her class what a parent would say, that she loved them, they are loved, that it is going to be ok, in her heart she believed they would die. I wept and was pulled back to a time, holding my son's hand, he was cold, his breathing had slowed and telling him it was ok to let go, to stop fighting the cancer, that I loved him, I would always love him, knowing in my heart it was never going to be ok. One child suffering is never going to be ok, when we have been gifted with the intelligence to do better. When as adults we have the power, the authority and the knowledge to do better.

As those entrusted with the care of our children, we need to learn from these events and the actions, the courage, the bravery of those teachers who in absolute fear and horror knew to shield their students from the terror unfolding, told the children to close their eyes, to prevent them from absorbing the horror, from searing into their developing minds this tragedy in their school. Little ones with their eyes closed, hands on each others shoulders, one by one, connected to each other; guided by a teacher brave with courage leading them through fear and sheer strength.

The other week in the shopping centre a young Mum with a screaming new baby, absolutely screaming, the tiny one week old sound. All these ignorant people with their judgemental stares, not one offering any assistance, anyone could see or having experienced knows what it is like with a hungry new baby and a trolley full of shopping. I was keen for a cuddle and asked if it was ok I carry the baby for her, new baby and new smell, still gets me everytime; I followed her around the shop having a cuddle while she finished her shopping. We chatted and talked about how hard parenting is and I confirmed for her, it is one of the hardest and most valuable roles we ever have. 
Stepping up, costs nothing and does so much. Step up people.  Use the intelligence you are gifted with, do something to be a contributor, not a taker from this amazing planet.  You do not need fancy gifts, expensive ones or multiple presents to be present in the life of people, you don't need wrapping or a bow.  The most precious gifts you have cost nothing, a phone call, a letter, a card to let someone, even a complete stranger know they matter; to not speak when they need to talk (believe me even I struggle with that, though I guess you would know that by now!), mow a lawn, hold the shopping, take a cake to a neighbour, wash a car, babysit, put the rubbish out, heaven forbid mow your neighbours nature strip!! Extend your hand, reach out, like little children onto one another, put your hands on someones shoulders, lead them forward, give them a path, show them it is going to be Ok.
I heard the US Gun Lobby has hit back fast stating if only the teachers had been armed, if every single person was armed then this type of event might never happen. I'm sorry I don't see the intelligence in the argument that every single human being needs to live in fear they could be next and forearmed is forewarned.  Someone explain to me why this belief is not across every country on the planet are we accepting that the US Gun Lobby has the greatest intelligence representative of our species? I also don't believe we can wind back the clock, guns are the instrument, the weapon of choice, they can only hurt when a human being uses them to hurt, so do knives, so do drugs, so do cars.  Yet why any person can justify the ownership of a military weapon is beyond comprehension.  Heaven forbid, oh absolutely tragic, is the death of a young person yesterday from an umbrella in Bundaberg, QLD, Australia. I've used a gun, used several, it was a struggle at my size to manage; I haven't touched one since high school.  I was brought up in a time and environment/community where most people either owned a gun or had used on and didn't have an opinion on them.  There were no automatic weapons, no assault rifles and no amnesty forced onto law abidding people to surrender family heirlooms, yet there was always crime, there always will be.
I have lived in a country where Police do not have guns, for those of us at present, who live in countries where our 'Force' have force, this would be inconceivable, yet it's the reality.
Violence breeds violence, fear breeds fear, violence breeds fear. There is nothing more powerful or profitable than the person who taps into human fear.
When I was teaching pre-school many years ago, it was sometime after September 11 and children were still asking questions, still building towers and knocking them down, still attempting to make meaning out of something adults could not make sense from. Their questions were simple and yet we had no answers, we could only allow them a safe environment in which to voice their concerns, struggle to come to terms with a reality one begs to consider why intelligence was wasted on a species which continues to fail so spectacularly. I remember a friend who had been teaching at a diverse metropolitan school, where few children in the class spoke English, many had spent years as refugees transitioning into Australia; children as young as 6 years old confused as to why violence was not an answer to resolving disputes and why they couldn't bring a gun to school. We need to do better, so much better.  Children should be concerned about anything except adult responsibilities.

Whether you are Australian children, American, Palestinian, Israeli, any child, anywhere at any given time of the day or night; children wanting an education, to feel safe going to school, you should not have to carry the burden of our mistakes, of our ignorance and irresponsible actions. As a species we will continue to expire as we allow each other to hurt the most vulnerable, when we turn our backs and do nothing.  You have a voice, as a parent, as a family, as a friend.  You can make a difference.  When we would prefer to sit quietly, to save face, to "not get involved", to not step up and make those accountable for violence against children, we contribute to allowing it to continue.

I've lost several close people to guns, it weighs heavy on your mind and heart to know your life, our lives will be forever changed by their loss of life.  I picked up the phone for several years following, when I was missing a recipe or had a question; I'd been so use to these conversations in the past, it was sometime before I reprogrammed myself to believing no one would answer. No one should ever have to say goodbye to someone they love because of the ease of access to a weapon which takes less than a second to change their life, less than the time it takes for conscious problem solving and decision making, we need to do better, so much better.

We need to do so much better, today and tomorrow and everyday; to continue to learn and develop better ways of being human, of providing safer communities for our children to grow.

Today, only 24hrs after the most recent aftermath, around the world thousands of children will have lost their lives in violence, due to famine, disease, neglect.  As adults we are failing our children.

I read a story yesterday of a mother whose daughter was killed from domestic violence and years down the track she continues to advocate for legislative change, driven by her daughters memory and the grief of knowing, experiencing, feeling, no parent should ever have to experience what she had gone through.  This same mother made a point of speaking to those who have tried to tell her it is time to "move on" and "let go" and she raised the question, what does that mean? What is this construct of Western societies belief about grief that one just gives it a time limit and then gets on with life? Do we let go of the love we feel for our parnters when we first meet them? Do we let go of the passion or skill we have for our careers? Do we let go of the connections between our friends, our relationships, the gratitude for people who have touched our lives? Why do we tell people they need to empty a memory only they will carry? Try telling a greedy person to let go of their posessions!

Get over it people, allow people the time, the space and a way to express their grief in a way that brings them comfort, allows them to cherish, value and remember their loved ones. I can remember attending a grief and loss workshop the year my son died and an educator telling me when it was time to let go of Ben's things, his clothes, toys, bed. Over the years I've passed those toys onto children to enjoy, the bed donated to a charity fundraising for children not so long ago and the clothes to be made into a memory quilt.  What right does anyone who has not experienced this loss and believe me you cannot begin to imagine what the reality is like no matter how many times you think you 'get it' by reading about it, know a friend of a friend. 

The grief of losing a child is so great there is no word in the dictionary to describe it.  You are widowed from the death of a partner, orphaned from the death of a parent, yet there is no word to describe a pain so great, there are no words to describe it.

So in this time of mourning and reflection, for families everywhere placing their hands on their heart, looking at pictures, wiping tears, take this time to ask yourself what could you do better!

Speaking the truth

Sometimes the easiest thing to do appears to be and can be the hardest.  Saying something out loud, something that might be controversial, call people to look hard at themselves, take responsibility, oh yes above all else, take responsibility; for their actions, their words, their motives and how they connect with all others on this planet.
Being alive every moment, every breathe is a gift, many are not afforded.
We are all, every single one of us, surrounded by death, destruction, forces beyond (is it?) your control, in yourself, in the community and around the globe.
How we all respond to that will be uniquely our own, tainted by conditioning, knowledge and belief systems.
How many times have we read stories about the truth, more recently this year of a young student shot http://video.today.msnbc.msn.com/today/49414153#49414153 for speaking out about the truth, a girl wanting to have an education; yet for many other places in the world would be more concerned about what she is doing this weekend, what clothes to wear or guy to meet (yes that is a tongue-in-cheek generalisation for the sensitive ones), not standing up for human rights, for the right of women and human beings to voice the truth.
The world is a jellybean jar of different colours, tastes & reactions.  Each to their own. No one forces you to watch a program or read an article, if you don't like it, don't watch or read it.
Some only looking through one lens may find comfort in only believing one truth, their truth.  Many human beings due to personality and beliefs need to find security in a well defined concrete answer, one that resonates with how they perceive the world to be.
There have been so many before us, particularly those of us in Australia have the luxury of riding on the backs of those who have done their best to wipe the stain from the soil of our country; or there are those who continue to believe we somehow earned our right to be here 'the white way is the right way' belief system; I'm still trying to understand the logic of that one.  Ignorance is not bliss, it's just ignorance, yet I guess its comfortable.
As Buddha is quoted as saying "the greatest impurity is ignorance. Free yourself. Be pure".
I wrote a blog this week, I was basically airing a few thoughts I had regarding two journal articles I was asked to compare in relation to a paper for a post graduate course I'm studying at present.  I am a passionate writer, I own that! I pour my thoughts in, mix them about and I push people to challenge themselves, to think outside the square. If I offend, you could try to see it as a priviledge to have been offended, I have stirred something in you that was stagnate, maybe you could learn a thing or two.  Those of you who commented, smiled & laughed, thank you for being there all these years, for being able to gain the meaning of Margaret Mead's words when she said "never doubt that  small group of people can change the world, indeed it's the only thing that ever has". Being comfortable won't advance the human race.
I have been told over the years I am many things, even dogmatic.  Which is rather ironic considering the person who made the statement had never seen me in person, had just commenced a 5 minute conversation on the phone and we had never spoken previously; yet they read a letter in which I disputed an unjustified claim/statement which the scientific evidence/empirical data just does not support, they just "believed" it to be so. In other words anyone who doesn't see their way is obviously wrong :) The rather amusing thing is, I don't have to agree with what I write, I put my hand in the jellybean jar and I wave it around, I don't have any favourites or dislikes.  I however like my little soapbox and I am incredibly grateful for the breathe that pumps through my veins, my nervous system and charges the neurons to question, to think and to share those thoughts, to be a change, to make a difference, rather than grab a free ride.
What is it that makes people grip onto their beliefs with two hands that creates a flood of ignorance through their veins? Is it genetics or conditioning in arrogance; anyone whose thoughts may be different to theirs is obviously wrong! In that case wouldn't we all be wrong :)
I don't pretend to be you, or you, or you.  How could you possibly have walked in my shoes, shared the same smells of death and believe me, reading about it and smelling it, how when the blood drains from the body, it changes the brain in different ways.  Watch all the movies & read all the stories you like, believe me their is a reason our sense of smell is one of our earliest and most sensitive capacities.
How could you know violence from a tv? From reading the paper? & heaven (or some God whom ever she is) forgive me if I make light of your insignificant complaints as on my radar it just doesn't rate.
How can one person hold the truth? One religion? One politician? One teacher, one parent, one friend? They can't and that is the truth.
Ever tried having a philosophical debate about what constitutes the truth with a philosopher? Take your armour and a sword and maybe a few snacks, you'll be in for the long haul.
So what is the truth and why should we speak it?
Better still what kind of world and lives would we have without any truth?

Have you ever noticed how willingly people are to try a new car, a new recipe, a new outfit, a new job, a new house even, yet try asking them about changing their mind, about thinking outside the square, about changing the one thing they don't need to spend money or go anywhere or need friends or family to help them do.  THINK!  Try asking them (some I might add) to learn about a different religion, a different culture.  In today's world of access to the world wide library web I am still shocked by racist attitudes and stereotyping when facts, reality is right there at your finger tips.

What absence from the world would there be without the presence of those before us to point us along a different path, to ask questions, to seek compassion, understanding and challenge ignorance.

"One life is all we have and we live it as we believe in living it. But to sacrifice what you are and to live without belief, that is a fate more terrible than dying." - Joan of Arc

A woman overwhelmed with compassion and conviction, some may say she was insane claiming to hear voices calling her to a cause greater purpose, at 17yrs of age, leading an Army.  Was she right? Is war an answer to the truth.  I'm not challenging that blog here today.  Yet to surrender to the ordinary when we are each gifted with extraordinary purpose?

As early as 384BC Plato's student Aristotle changed the face of inquiry.  At a time of Alexander the Great he learned independent thinking, to challenge what the mind can conceive was a path to the truth, his truth and answers to the most difficult questions of his time. He went on to find answers to previously believed unsolveable questions and to forge a path for intellectual and scientific inquiry, that man (& woman!) had the capacity for enlightenment, if only they seek self inquiry, human goodness derived from rational thought!

Even French chemist and biologist Louis Pasteur was considerd mediocre.  As challenging as it is to be 'different', humanity is grateful someone took him seriously. 

Laws and science depend on the truth, religion and philosphers debate it; which truth is it: Subjective, objective, relative or absolute? What you believe to be true...is it? or is it just your understanding based on your knowledge and experience to date! Do you seek the truth? Question it and seek more? or content with sitting on a truth that is more relative rather than dance ahead to the rhythm of the footsteps of our greatest leaders, our 'crazy ones' who have pushed the boundaries in order of us to live a better life.

Oscar Wilde once said "If you want to tell the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you".  What do you think he mean't by that? Is that telling the truth, using your voice, your words, your thoughts to share a different way of knowing not only is risky, it can be life threatening.  That some, so protective of their ignorance would rather hurt you than understand you.

No matter what you have to say or do in life there will always be someone wanting to challenge your version of the truth & so they should. What makes speaking the truth problematic for many is the isolation, torture and pain which many suffer in order to take their truth to a wider audience, to create change, to move the human race forward. It's a risk and at times a burden. The only way to survive it is to connect with other liked minded persons, to surround yourself with people who not only seek the truth, seek other ways of knowing, understanding the human capacity, who are constantly evolving as individuals, they desire it.

Have you ever wondered about where we would be if we never progressed? If at one time in history someone with enough power (or force?) said "right listen here, we are OK just the way we are, now no one is to seek alternatives, no answers to disease, no better ways to educate, to learn, to understand, to save the planet".

When we look at the statistics on the burden of disease on this amazing planet we fight, strive and live for, http://www.aihw.gov.au/burden-of-disease/ and the evidence to support the majority of the world's disease is preventable what does this say about human intelligence, about how we process, accept or tolerate any truth.  Stress is still both a direct and indirect leading cause of disease and death and who causes the stress? We do.

Do people seek out better ways of living, balancing the budget, raising children, learn how to be kind, compassionate and practice what they preach or take it for granted. Happy to say there is a growing shift in the vibrational ripple of lateral thinkers doing their best and when it isn't enough seeking another way. One can only dream and continue to put your foot in the water to keep the ripple going.

I surprised myself this week in removing something I had written with absolute no intention for it to be directed at any one person.  Do you have any idea of how many people I know in my small circle, let alone throughout life? I write to raise the level of consciousness, to challenge thinking, to motivate people to step outside the square for a moment. I am touched as much by the young east German guard on my train from Austria as I am from listening to Arch Bishop Tutu speak at a freedom rally in the day when Nelson Mandela was still incarcerated. I didn't grow up in the same house my whole life; on the year I turned 31, I worked out I had moved 31 times. I've known incredibly wealthy people and incredibly poor people, suffering and elation.  You are not the centre of my universe. That would be the person I come home to in my meditations, each morning as I salute the sun. If you need to know what motivates me to be outspoken and at times controversial, I made a promise to my son, I would never be quiet about something which is intrinsically wrong, which causes people to suffer, which harms children, I will never take life for granted whilst children every day are dying, that I will be grateful for every single opportunity life has to offer, for all the opportunities many people never have the chance to try.  I will use my talents, I will open my mind and grow. I will not lay down and stagnate in a pool of pus and let others look after me. It is just not in my genetic makeup.

As well as the fact that my usual approach, when I write, is if they don't like it, they can always get back into the box they came from. Yet when personal attacks are made, mud is thrown, sometimes it catches you in the eye and you are blinded for a moment what you set out to do (surprise surprise, writers have feelings too!), to share another way of seeing a truth, to grow, to live, to change, to be a seed of change, to contribute and never take for granted every single experience we are afforded. If you want to silence a writer, then don't speak.  Challenge adds fuel, it stimulates discussion, it pushes the truth out there faster and further.

In our time alone, let alone history, we have lost  great many people doing their best at doing better, to push a little harder, question when it appears all the answers have been given. "When we know better, you do better" Maya Angelou, is that so hard to comprehend? I've never researched or even Googled it and running out of time this morning, yet I often wonder when I read truly amazing accounts of survival, of leaders is it true that those who have the greatest capacity to give are those who have lost the most? Is it true that those who complain the most have the greatest amount to be grateful for, have never really known real, touch your hand suffering? So would neuroscientist or even behaviourists be true in hypothesising that brain which wires with ignorance, has failed to learn from the types of environmental stimulus which not only delivers advertisty, it creates resilience?

This year Grant Oyston, Founder Invisible Children and the person beyond KONY 2012 took the violence of the LRA to the wider world, that sharing the truth would promote discussion, raise awareness and bring an end to the atrocities in Central Affrica. http://invisiblechildren.com/

Mr Oyston stated in a response letter to his critics "fight propaganda with the fair pursuit of balanced truths, not with propaganda of your own"; if you are going to wage a war of attacks against someone elses truths at least make it honest and fair, at least have a balanced view to support your argument, why smear mud on something you know nothing about, let alone experienced.

Sometimes at the art gallery I would find myself drawn to a painting; to some it would seem child like, even unworthy of hanging in such a reputable location, let alone its price tag; yet few ever stop to imagine the mind of a person who could create so much from so little.

If the cure for ignorance is truly to question, is the truth is out there and we need only not seek it, yet allow others to seek it for us as well.  Then at least be grateful for those who dare to be 'the crazy ones' those who are 'different', who stand up, speak up and say what has to be said, against the masses. The ones who sacrifice fitting it, for standing out, who give up the luxury of freedom to be scrutinised, to carry the burden of their own scars, those of many when they don't even know their names. Maybe even a thank you could be warranted, as you except the changes to improve your life, the freedom to say something or do nothing, the truth they dare to seek as you relax in the comfort of your armchair.

 Thank you to all those who speak the truth, seek the truth and create change in the world. Thank you for daring to be different.

Fields of Gold

Being haunted by the mesmorising voice of Eva Cassidy this morning, I had forgotten how some songs take you to places you had long placed in the box & locked away "many years have passed, since those summer days". Music has this way of igniting the soul to push harder than you thought possible, to motivate, inspire, take our hearts with both hands & squeeze it gently one beat after the other until we are remindered how to breathe on our own again. 
If you let the small moments, the synchronicity of timely reminders to enter your mind, you too can teach yourself to absorb each lesson, whether it be a timely song, a rainbow on a cloudy day, the right person at the right time, the name on a number plate just at the same moment you think of someone who hasn't crossed your mind in too long; without trying to over analyse why this has happened & why now, just that it has & allow your soul to drift with its flow & embrace its meaning.
The Dr kruszelnicki's of our world would have you deconstruct the reality & assure you such powers of persuasion, the mind's ability to manifest it's own reality, to think about something often enough you can make it happen, is just not possible. How then do we explain the series of events in The Secret of Luck? http://www.sbs.com.au/documentary/video/2294844688/Derren-Brown-The-Experiments-Ep4-The-Secret-Of-Luck . How do you take a lie about a lucky dog & make it lucky? Not for one person, not for a small group, a town?
There is something powerful & should anyone ever truly harness the answers I believe will be our greatest loss, some things are best being a mystery.  Yet it is the struggle of humanity to seek control over themselves, over others, over the events which change our lives & so in turn force the direction of their lives into a well designed construction, already mapped, planned & organised & then spend the hard earned dollars they so desperately crave to feed the craving of this thirsty void, in therapy & on substances to ease the confusion of why they are not where they wanted to be or when they arrived, not what they thought it would be like & at a loss to why they are unhappy.

"OMGosh, what is this feeling I'm experiencing" "oh wait, I'll just pour another glass, eat another piece, yell a little louder....aaahhh now it's gone, what a useless feeling that is".

Is there a force greater than all forces known to man? A force many a theorists have tried to define & fail in their attempts to document human thought or are Skinner, Maslow, Freud, Gestalt are they all on the right path? How much power does the human mind control?

I see its wonders & its devestations, the minds which use positive motivation to push past pain barriers, beyond the finish line & without the need to sell their soul to obtain it (or their reputation & sponsorship deals).  Then are those who feed the negativity, focus too long on the physical reality & more quick to reject any alternate idea, thought or experience, the "my way is the only way" people of the world. We may be one species, yet we are separated by those who are embracing life, strength & possibilities & those who accept, tolerate & need a rational explanation behind every decision in order to move forward (Yet we all know where those people are right now, don't we!)
What is bizarre as I'm throwing up my thoughts this morning in one not so well digested form, is I lay in bed last night contemplating a moment in time, an Eva Cassidy moment and then this morning (when I should be already on my bike!) I decide to go via the office on the way to putting my shoes on & find myself listening to Eva, not being my intention that morning, sparked by reading a friend's blog; was it another gentle reminder to 'go there', to unleash the senses & stop for a moment, that a 80km bike ride & a 90 mins of yoga is not going to make it all better.
Do we intentionally or unintentionally bring experiences into our lives, is it possible?

In Lynne McTaggart's book 'The Intention Experiment' scientists & non-scientists around the world, believers & non-believers have applauded her work on whether science can define the likes of experiments such as those of Derek Brown. http://theintentionexperiment.com/ .
Other's not so well versed & guided by there own experiences such as 'The Secret' by Rhonda Byre http://thesecret.tv/ again attempt to express in words that you too do have everything you need to have a successful, fulfilling & amazing life, it has been right there inside you all along.

Now for those of you out there focussing on dollar values, real estate, luxury etc, if you have a road block, you need to ask yourself did you read the map right? Did you listen to your inner voices, is your body in the best shape it can be for a journey you are expecting to take a lifetime (to discover & enjoy), are you truly giving it all you've got? Can you celebrate in the joy of other's success or do you mope around, bring them down & think that everyone has it easier than you? Do you give up when the going gets tough? Have you made sacrifices in the best interest of others? of yourself? Ask yourself HOW BAD DO YOU WANT WHAT YOU WANT! What the hell is your voice saying? Are you listening? Are you intune? or are you too busy changing the dial.  Connect people! Connect with yourself.  Before you go trying to change someone else, take a good long hard look at yourself! What could you learn from others? Is your mind open or closed?

So you have something in mind, then ask yourself...why do you want it? Intention, motivation, what is it & why are you driven to find yourself in things, in money, in nothing you can take with you when this life is over.  Is your soul aching, your body giving in, do you bask in the sunlight, feel the warmth on your skin & feel every breathe of alive or are you wallowing in self pity & stuck in what didn't go right instead of realising at sometime in trying to shove yourself & life into the right direction, you ended up in the backseat!

You have life! You have this amazing body, full of so many gems, treats, unbelievable talents you haven't begun to even explore as yet.  Glimpses appear, little reminders to show you the way, yet so many of you are so busy in the business of life; of course you will be lost if you fail to read the sign posts!

Sometimes like Joe http://vimeo.com/27678116?action=share we need to sit in the quiet of our mind, find a solace to strip away all the shit people, all the crap & baggage weighing you down, to hear your own heart beating, plus I'm a yogi addict so if you don't have yoga in your life & you still have the capacity to move & breathe, get out there & start today! it's life changing....ooops sorry side tracked.
 
Now some may call this 'God' or your God with varying names and references, some may call it divine intervention, 'the one', a connection with the 'universe'.  Whatever it is, we do not have all the answers and nor do we need them. Some who take the statistical manuals to define mental health would have another explanation; if you are too low, you have a diagnosis, if you are too high you have a diagnosis, if you do not fit the round hole, you have a diagnosis.  Now sometimes labels can be of benefit, they at least get you access to the support you need, just don't forget you are not the label, you are you.  You decide where you are going.

So back to divine universal intervention & Eva Cassidy!. Those of you who know me, know I've been on this mind cleansing life changing journey for a while now & let me tell you it can be a battle of wills to free your mind & listen to your inner self/voice when you have trained yourself to 'suck it up' get on with it & there are only two speeds in life, go & stop!

Now I've gotta get to my point here, time is ticking & it takes at least an hours ride to the beach & I'm cutting into energy & speed typing away here.

There is a gift here, our greatest gift, many struggle with until their last breathe.  Life is not a struggle, it doesn't need to be, you don't need to resist or fight.  Nor do you need to tolerate or accept it, it just is what it is. Your heart is a guiding force, let it open to all that it wants to absorb, feel, touch, welcome.  YOur soul is its guardian, to keep reminding you when you stray from the path, you will know. 

I made a decision a while ago to listen intently & completely to my heart, to nurture my soul, it was tired, it ached, it had served me well & brought me this far.  Like tired feet after a long journey it needed a rest; a rest from anger, hate, suffering & wanting & these are all the things I did, not what was around me, the things I manifest through my intentions, my choices, my unwilling relentless pursuit of everything outside of me, instead of realising what I needed was here all along. I wanted to see "my true colours" shine through, how would I ever know what I was capable of, what felt good, amazing, supernatural unless I opened my mind, my heart & my life to allowing it to enter?

I can tell you honestly it has been one hell of a ride, scary, bumpy & facing some fears, one by one has been the hardest part.  I decided to deconstruct every obstacle, not by force, by nurturing it, to challenge, yet embrace whatever it was (is any of this making sense?).

For those who need a step by step instruction, what did this mean? Well when life when bang & flipped upside down I had to change & change fast.  I took away all the fake & plastic things which didn't help me to move forward, crap food, crap experiences, unhealthy lifestyle, unhealthy thinking & then made a list 'the bucket list' of all the things I would love to experience, not want, just experience in life.  I let my mind take over & imagine food, places & above all people & a sounding voice kept repeating itself & this was my life changing moment.  I made a space I was comfortable with, set some new personal goals, told people who mattered, they mattered, surrounded myself with people who lift me up & take me forward & I made a decision to feel grateful for every single experience, the good, the bad & the ugly for bringing me to this point.

I decided that love was not about possession or taking, it was not forcing yourself onto someone or something.  It had nothing to do with getting what you want & everything to do with living with contentment, peace & knowing your heart could stay open as long as you allowed it to.  It didn't have a time limit, it didn't need a tommorrow, it wan't broken & didn't need fixing.  Everything I had was right there all along.  Everyone I loved was right there all along & I had plenty of room for more & so much it was too much for one person to contain.

So in facing one of my fears I took up kayaking; the tide was up, the dark & gloomy skies didn't help, probably not the best day to try & focus on anything except shark infested deep water! I only had to push out from the shoreline a short way before my heart raced, so strong was the pound I could feel my phone in its zip lock back strapped in the vest moving! Then it took over my body, my hands, my feet, the fear of going where I hadn't gone before, the fear of being my best, the fear of facing a completely unreal construction of something I hadn't even tried before, the fear kicked in! I had an instructor with me & thank goodness they gave me a wide birth! I could have taken a head off with that oar! Then I could feel the pull of the tide, I was absolutely fine going against it (wow I love that metaphor everytime I think of it, me too an absolute capital, always swimming agains the tide & most comfortable) & wow this isn't so bad I thought, then we decided to turn, I had contemplated crossing the channel & going up river, weaving between boats moared nearby.  Then it happened; the tide caught me & I began to drift without control, OMFG I was not in control!!!!!!!!

The shakes took over & I could feel my face, it was hot & I looked for the nearest escape root, something to grab hold of! Oh the water was so dark I couldn't see the oar once it went in.  My instructor gave me a tip, reminded me of what I am made of, who I am, what drives me, to fight the tide, in the sense to let it take me, decide, consciously decide to go with the flow, put the friggin oar in damn it & steer yourself!!!!! Open your mind, stop focussing on the fear, stop listening to your heart pounding, go with it, damn it...go with it!


How the wise one shifts the wind & adjusts the sails when we are at risk of losing our perspective, caught up driving rather than enjoying the journey, I have no explanation.  If you are needing me to explain why 3 nights in a row at exactly 3 am the remote control tank of my son's fired at exactly that time just 3months after our 3yr old son died of cancer, the tank he always wanted to play with & his belonged to his brother, I can't explain it, I don't even want to try.

There are moments we need a piece of 4x2 to a timely region to wake us & jolt our heart into the start position again, like a scream from the top of the highest mountain, "WAKE THE HELL UP YOU ARE SLEEPING!!!!!!" & then there are other times it takes something more subtle, a gentle melancholic reminder we have strayed off the path & if we listen, if we tune in to the sounds around us, you can hear the voice inside telling you which way to go.

All those decisions I made, I grew tired & frustrated & slowly I drifted back into the safety of the shore & rested my oar, I stopped going with the flow, my heart quietened, drowned out by voices of advice & well meaning assurance.  Yet it never passed, it lingered day in & day out & I quietened it like 'Joe' with something more.

Thank you Eva Cassidy & thank you Jac, what a timely reminder, mmm Songbird, True Colours & yes "time after time" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMznNlfLXP4&feature=related

I know where I am going, what my heart aches for, who I am & what I am made of.....do you?
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